My Springy Steps

New haircut, new computer, newly organized room, new classes. It's no wonder I've got a spring in my step. New Asian drama too, although I should probably keep all that jazz to a minimum. I still feel superasian. It's going to take a while to wear off, I think.

I'm trying to spend less of my downtime locked up by myself. Like today, I went over to Rick's apartment and we had dinner and talked and watched HIMYM and chilled. It was fun. Accomplished! I'm also making an effort to dress like I give a damn when I go to class (yes, I'm going to class now) and smudge on some sunscreen and mascara too. I'm also doing my best to keep my room clean and organized, for the most part.

It's kind of working. But then again, I've only been back for a day.

I'm newly addicted to Post-It notes. And Stickies on my Mac :) It feels good to write things down. Everything becomes less of a burden.

I can't believe I forgot how good it feels to be all organized and OCD-y :)

Overall, I'm feeling a lot happier nowadays. Maybe it's Spring. Maybe it's the cleanliness. Either way, things are finally looking up. I love this feeling.

My Little Quarter...

Quick update.

I have my Macbook now. I'm still learning the ropes and stuff, but I think I'm a little bit in love. It's so pretty! :)

Seattle/Tacoma was two parts rainy, one part depressing, five parts food-filled, and fifty parts loving. My family is as awesome and confusing as ever.

OK. Back to my little quarter. For whatever reason, every time I reconnect with my maternal family, I get all weird and Korean-y for a while. After I got back from Washington, I restocked on Isa Knox makeup, bought a fuckton of napa cabbage and garlic, whined at Mike on the phone, camera-whored, and listened to a lot of Rain. I finally got my hair cut because my mom didn't want my grandma to see me looking "like a refugee," and I look pretty fobby too.

This shall pass. Eventually.

I need to find a place to live soon. And I should probably start car-shopping too... dangit. I hate spending big money >:O

My Disappointment

No Miller High Life for 2 bucks. Lots of Arrogan Bastard and pear cider. And Magners. I'm good and drunk, but still not relieved. Why have you let me down, alcohol? I don't want to feel feelings. Help me forget already.

I spent way too much money at the pub tonight. But I know I'll be back tomorrow. This isn't over yet. Life is good. Why am I so miserable?

My Bad

Looks like Winter quarter 2009 isn't going to go down so hot. I'm still struggling to find tenants for the house in San Leandro. Taiwanese real estate taxes are catching up to me. My lungs are being coughed out of my body. I need new glasses. Grandma's in intensive care, and I need to go to Seattle to help her set her affairs straight... and see her again. Just in case.

There's karaoke at the pub tonight. I don't very much care about that. I just hope they're still serving two dollar pints. If anything can make me feel fewer feelings, it's a fuckton of cheap beer.

School is eating me alive. I need a break.

My Observation

I'm procrastinating. What else is new?

More often than not, I feel as though I don't deserve the companionship, friendship, adoration, doting, etc, of my present company. What bothers me is somewhere along the lines of me being a corrupting influence, a complete bitch, or some combination of the two in comparison. I guess I just feel bad for not being good. This is especially so when my sinfully persuasive tongue sways the will of innocent beings to submit to the usual mischief I so often find myself partaking in: drinking. It happens a lot. No joke.

I took two of my friends to the pub with me last night to meet up with some of my other friends. I bought a lot of beer for them. I'm also the youngest among us. It just works.

Call me a recipe for disaster, but I've found that as long as I look like I know what I'm doing, and as long as I look like I am doing what I am supposed to be doing, nobody ever asks me any questions. I've been carded there once. Without so much as a flustered blink, out came the VA Hospital ID from work and an apologetic smile. Then, throwing a wave and a wink at Stephan, the owner, I asked the minimum wage monkey what he'd like to drink, and told him to put a pint of it on my open tab. Sometimes I really do surprise even myself.

I should go back to my old sociopathic tendencies. Nobody benefits from nights out with me. I feel responsible for the systematic denting of academic records. As well as the monster hangovers that ensue when my (tiny) iHousemates try to keep up with my alcohol habit. I haven't stuck a gun to anyone's head and classically coerced my friends to drink up. But I can't say that I'm making an exceptionally good impact on the lives of those around me. All I can say is... at least I'm not a bore?

About that alcohol. It's a truth serum. I love my friends, God save them, but you all know how I'm short-tempered and easily annoyed, yes? I don't need lectures coming from the girl whose hair I'm holding on the bathroom floor of the pub bathroom in between spews of vomiting. Firstly, it's nauseating to listen to. Secondly, I'm not the one paying homage to the porcelain gods. That's my peeve.

In vino veritas, I know. Souls are bared, and it's unfortunate that the uncensored drunken rants which are so revealing of naked character, tend to be so damn annoying. Or maybe I'm just easily annoyed.

Why am I even writing this? I have a massive headache, a sore throat, and a desperate thirst for some Irish coffee. Or straight scotch. And a cigarette to go with. Haven't smoked all damn day...

My Plan Of Action

So here's what I'm going to do. I'm going to pretend I know nothing about my friend/coworker's advances, which is pretty legit because I did manage to pass out the night of all the shenanigans. And I'm going to kind of cling on to Mike a little bit, as opposed to keeping him at somewhat of a distance as I have been doing. Hopefully that sends a message? Hopefully?

On a side note, I'm really happy about having lunch with Sarah and Wilmar today. I miss you guys too much when we don't hang out. And I FREAKING LOVE the Hello Kitty mouse thing. I'm so excited. I'm going to get one of those plastic cover things for my Macbook. And it's going to be red to match. And I'm going to plaster it with Hello Kitty shit. I love you guys.

As for other stuff in my life... I want to help out Rina with Tritones stuff. She has so much on her plate as it is. But sometimes I feel like it really isn't my responsibility to be doing what she delegates for me to do. Yet I can't turn her down because she is my friend, I live with her, and I feel guilty if I don't help her to the best of my ability. It's kind of stressful having so much under-the-table responsibility without any real authority to back up my actions. To sum up my feelings towards Tritones right now, I'd say that I just feel really used; frankly, I'm pretty sick of feeling that way.

F complications. I just want to hang out with my friends and family. I'm so done with this quarter.

My Lame Personal Life

Life is getting more and more complicated as days go by. And I am going to go out on a limb and say that this is totally not my fault.

I chilled things with Mike. That turned out to be Marcus' signal to move in. Very not OK. I'm stupid when I'm drunk, and I'm drunk for the vast majority of times I'm not working. Put two and two together and that's just all kinds of not good. Long story short, I'm up to my eyes in stupid relationship issues that I really don't want to be a part of. M & M are roommates, I work with one of them, I've been dating the other, and then there's our friend other Mike. SJFKLAKLSJOIE.

I am so frustrated. Why does this tend to happen to me? If I didn't know any better, I'd say that I'm somehow managing to unwittingly self-sabotage my personal life, because this shit is cyclic. I don't ask for this. By any means.

My Lazy Thursday

I am so tired. After the whole VA Merit Grant dealio last night, we went out and got our drink on. We really got our drink on. We drank. We raged. We even karaoke'd. It was ridiculous.

I bought a few rounds of drinks for our circle... which is saying something because in addition to myself, there was Marcus, SARS, D.J., Kris, Wes, and Volpato. I'm not going to complain about it because they've all bought me many many beers. I also ran into my o-chem professor. We had drinks and talked for a while. He suggested that I go to office hours.

I spent so much money at the Pub last night... but that's OK because I have 2 months worth of paycheck comin' my way tomorrow!!!!!!!!!