You could say that I'm going through something of a "Classical" phase at the moment. A lot of my day-to-day life consists of me and proportions.
The one I'm most often conscious of is that of me and my voice. I have a fairly large voice when you consider how long I've been studying, but I don't feel that my voice is in good proportion to the rest of me. It's not like I'm some tiny singer who shocks people just by not being squeaky. I'm of pretty average size. What I'm working towards is to achieve the greatest sound:size ratio without sacrificing expressiveness and technique.
We're not talking "you're big, ergo your voice is big" or its inverse. We're talking "OMFG how does this ginormous/gorgeous sound come out of someone who doesn't weigh 300 lbs????" I know I have that capacity. It's just a matter of hard work. And not eating disproportionate amounts of food.
Ah! Spring... when a young woman's fancy lightly turns to thoughts of love for her craft!
Thursday, March 31, 2011
Wednesday, March 30, 2011
My Long Days
Every day this week has been grueling to various extents, but today was the very paragon of "hump day." I awoke at 5 am for no apparent reason. It's not an uncommon occurrence for me to start my day at some unholy hour, but I was a little bummed about that coming to pass today: the one day this week I will have been on campus for 13-14 hours.
So I warmed up at 8, as usual. Attended my classes, met with the facilities manager to take care of some logistic rehearsal issues, picked up music from a professor's mail box, registered for the last of my classes, scheduled voice lessons, practiced, wrote e-mails, rehearsed, and then ate lunch at 5. Yes, 5. I've spent the past two hours translating lyrics, transcribing phonetic symbols, doing theory analysis, and memorizing music.
It's great that I'm getting so much done as a part of my initiative to reduce my time spent idle. It's also tiring. I have a melody sitting in front of me, but I'm having a lot of trouble concentrating on harmonizing it. It will have to wait lest I risk stupid mistakes and parallel perfect intervals (musically unacceptable. Funny thing is that we hear them allll the time in pop progressions. My theory is that the songs that "sound better" are actually just well-constructed progressions that avoid the traditional faux pas of parallel fifths and octaves.) That was a really long parenthetical statement. Point is, I have all day Saturday to get homework done so I'll leave it for then.
In other news, I got my music history paper back, and I think I should meet with my professor to talk about it. It's the only research paper I've ever written based on a self-assigned topic, and my greatest struggle in composing an argument was that I didn't know what to ask. I think I did a pretty good job of musical analysis, and I definitely aced socio-political context for one of the works I examined, but even turning it in, I didn't feel that my overall analysis was cohesive enough. It's much easier to have a clearly designated topic on which to present one's findings. I still got an A- on what I turned in, but I think that academic writing is one of those things that I lack experience in, and I could definitely benefit from detailed feedback on what could have been better.
I also got my final back. Not that it really mattered. I could have skipped out on the final and still received a C in the class. But it was a nice little pat on the head to see that I'd received an A+ :) Call it a cherry on top!
So yes. Lots of ups today. No downs, but definitely some "gaahhhI'msotireds." I have a concert to attend at 8. One of the grad students is performing Kurtag's "Kafka Fragments," which is a hour-long piece that Professor Negyesy has talked about staging with me sometime next year. It should be really modern/funky/awesome. Hopefully I can sneak backstage afterwards to give Tiffany my congratulations and peace the hell out of this place by 10!
I am in dire need of sleep.
So I warmed up at 8, as usual. Attended my classes, met with the facilities manager to take care of some logistic rehearsal issues, picked up music from a professor's mail box, registered for the last of my classes, scheduled voice lessons, practiced, wrote e-mails, rehearsed, and then ate lunch at 5. Yes, 5. I've spent the past two hours translating lyrics, transcribing phonetic symbols, doing theory analysis, and memorizing music.
It's great that I'm getting so much done as a part of my initiative to reduce my time spent idle. It's also tiring. I have a melody sitting in front of me, but I'm having a lot of trouble concentrating on harmonizing it. It will have to wait lest I risk stupid mistakes and parallel perfect intervals (musically unacceptable. Funny thing is that we hear them allll the time in pop progressions. My theory is that the songs that "sound better" are actually just well-constructed progressions that avoid the traditional faux pas of parallel fifths and octaves.) That was a really long parenthetical statement. Point is, I have all day Saturday to get homework done so I'll leave it for then.
In other news, I got my music history paper back, and I think I should meet with my professor to talk about it. It's the only research paper I've ever written based on a self-assigned topic, and my greatest struggle in composing an argument was that I didn't know what to ask. I think I did a pretty good job of musical analysis, and I definitely aced socio-political context for one of the works I examined, but even turning it in, I didn't feel that my overall analysis was cohesive enough. It's much easier to have a clearly designated topic on which to present one's findings. I still got an A- on what I turned in, but I think that academic writing is one of those things that I lack experience in, and I could definitely benefit from detailed feedback on what could have been better.
I also got my final back. Not that it really mattered. I could have skipped out on the final and still received a C in the class. But it was a nice little pat on the head to see that I'd received an A+ :) Call it a cherry on top!
So yes. Lots of ups today. No downs, but definitely some "gaahhhI'msotireds." I have a concert to attend at 8. One of the grad students is performing Kurtag's "Kafka Fragments," which is a hour-long piece that Professor Negyesy has talked about staging with me sometime next year. It should be really modern/funky/awesome. Hopefully I can sneak backstage afterwards to give Tiffany my congratulations and peace the hell out of this place by 10!
I am in dire need of sleep.
Tuesday, March 29, 2011
My Fellow Artist
It's difficult to put into words the kinds of trials that one comes across when working towards becoming a career musician. Most of the time I channel my negative thoughts into working harder and making every effort to improve myself any and every way I can. In all honesty, ever once in a while, regardless of all my efforts to stay focused and positive, my doubts and fears surface and I get overwhelmed.
Yes, I do sometimes get frustrated with the piles of dishes, stacks of paper, mountain of shoes, and lack of quiet time at my house. But at the end of the day, I am so grateful to have someone in my life who can empathize with my insecurities and frustrations while assuring me that I'm not insane for dreaming of the highly improbable. I had a really good talk today, and feel more ready than ever to face tomorrow and all the challenges that await me.
Yes, I do sometimes get frustrated with the piles of dishes, stacks of paper, mountain of shoes, and lack of quiet time at my house. But at the end of the day, I am so grateful to have someone in my life who can empathize with my insecurities and frustrations while assuring me that I'm not insane for dreaming of the highly improbable. I had a really good talk today, and feel more ready than ever to face tomorrow and all the challenges that await me.
My Status Quo
Not too long ago, I was in a relationship that needed to end. After that resolution came about, I ended up restricting a lot of my internet presence upon being peeved by unnecessary confrontation regarding my interactions with my friends in social media. I hadn't intended on cutting him out of my life entirely when we broke up, but the events that came to pass made it pretty clear that no good would come from being in contact.
At first I thought it'd be a temporary measure to keep my matters to myself. But as more time has come to pass, I've really enjoyed the lack of this person's presence in my life. It sounds terrible, I know. As much as it is regrettable that I don't care for the vast majority of people I encounter, I can't help that I really am irreconcilably unforgiving when it comes to what really annoys me.
For the record, I am obstinately opposed to neediness, desperation, lack of articulation, and philistinism... among other things.
Point is, I'm really digging the status quo, and as much as it makes me feel like I'm being somewhat of a cunt, I am sorely tempted to just break ties, unfriend, and let it be. I'm much too picky about the people I hang out with to go back to being friends with him after everything that breakup entailed. It's weird. I've never done this before. Is there etiquette to unfriend-ing exes?
At first I thought it'd be a temporary measure to keep my matters to myself. But as more time has come to pass, I've really enjoyed the lack of this person's presence in my life. It sounds terrible, I know. As much as it is regrettable that I don't care for the vast majority of people I encounter, I can't help that I really am irreconcilably unforgiving when it comes to what really annoys me.
For the record, I am obstinately opposed to neediness, desperation, lack of articulation, and philistinism... among other things.
Point is, I'm really digging the status quo, and as much as it makes me feel like I'm being somewhat of a cunt, I am sorely tempted to just break ties, unfriend, and let it be. I'm much too picky about the people I hang out with to go back to being friends with him after everything that breakup entailed. It's weird. I've never done this before. Is there etiquette to unfriend-ing exes?
Thursday, March 24, 2011
My Mission Accomplished! & My Manifesto
OK. Puccini is still a work in progress. But this post isn't about that.
Grades came out today, and I am proud to say that my experiment in no note-taking was not for naught. Pages of notes I have accumulated in MUS120B this quarter: zero. Grade received in MUS120B: A.
Not even a minus.
Twelve weeks ago, Professor Guy pointedly pondered how poorly a student in her class would do without pencil/pen, paper, and proper notes to assist in his/her studies. Challenge accepted... and now conquered.
It's quite astonishing how much one can accomplish with the correct mindset and willpower. Oh I've got big plans for the next three months. Huge plans. Plans of gargantuan proportions. Plans so mind-bogglingly enormous, I'm actually going to write them down lest I myself forget.
Each day I wake, I will set out to accomplish whatever is required of me to inch myself closer to achieving my every goal. There is no settling in this equation. Count on me thoroughly hurtling myself toward the greatly improbable, never locking course, but always maintaining sights on what I pursue.
Grades came out today, and I am proud to say that my experiment in no note-taking was not for naught. Pages of notes I have accumulated in MUS120B this quarter: zero. Grade received in MUS120B: A.
Not even a minus.
Twelve weeks ago, Professor Guy pointedly pondered how poorly a student in her class would do without pencil/pen, paper, and proper notes to assist in his/her studies. Challenge accepted... and now conquered.
It's quite astonishing how much one can accomplish with the correct mindset and willpower. Oh I've got big plans for the next three months. Huge plans. Plans of gargantuan proportions. Plans so mind-bogglingly enormous, I'm actually going to write them down lest I myself forget.
Each day I wake, I will set out to accomplish whatever is required of me to inch myself closer to achieving my every goal. There is no settling in this equation. Count on me thoroughly hurtling myself toward the greatly improbable, never locking course, but always maintaining sights on what I pursue.
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
My Pathetic Puccini
Firstly, I should congratulate myself on making more progress on this piece today than I have in the past month. Secondly, I should acknowledge that I cannot expect myself to be able to perform at unrealistic standards.
And now that I have addressed both caveats, I can proceed to pronounce my displeasure with my performance of this troublesome little aria. Parts of it lack clarity, which is a direct result of my (lack of) breath control in my lower middle register. Other parts are so clear I almost wish I could shove a sock down my throat as to dampen those piercing high Bs. I also need to sing softer without sacrificing tone quality on some higher notes. It's a huge mess of things I wish I could fix.
It's a special kind of frustrating. I know exactly how I want to sing it. I know it down to every articulation, dynamic, and tempo. It's all in my head. I can hear exactly how I want to perform it...
Now if I only I could just fucking do it!
OK. That's not fair. I can do it. I can do it all. I've perfected individual 8-bar phrases. It's a matter of being able to string it all together. I don't understand why the latter has to be so difficult!!! Giving it another go tomorrow.
And now that I have addressed both caveats, I can proceed to pronounce my displeasure with my performance of this troublesome little aria. Parts of it lack clarity, which is a direct result of my (lack of) breath control in my lower middle register. Other parts are so clear I almost wish I could shove a sock down my throat as to dampen those piercing high Bs. I also need to sing softer without sacrificing tone quality on some higher notes. It's a huge mess of things I wish I could fix.
It's a special kind of frustrating. I know exactly how I want to sing it. I know it down to every articulation, dynamic, and tempo. It's all in my head. I can hear exactly how I want to perform it...
Now if I only I could just fucking do it!
OK. That's not fair. I can do it. I can do it all. I've perfected individual 8-bar phrases. It's a matter of being able to string it all together. I don't understand why the latter has to be so difficult!!! Giving it another go tomorrow.
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
Mon nouvel opéra-comique favori !
I watched La Fille du Regiment today. Twice. It's freaking hilarious. It helps that it's not exceedingly long. Two acts of awesome.
What else did I do? Practiced like I said I would. I've also been reading cookbooks. Oh! And I fell in love. With Juan Diego Florez. That man's voice is like butter for the soul. Like lube for the ears. Not to mention candy for the eyes ;)
But about that practice. I was getting really frustrated with my first session this morning. My voice just was not doing what I wanted it to, and it was starting to make me upset. So, given this luxury of spring break during which I have hours to spare, I walked away. I did some housework, cooked lunch, ate, watched an opera, made a (savory) daikon cake for breakfast tomorrow, cleaned the kitchen, then settled in front of the piano once more. And it all worked out. I did some intensive interpretive work on one of my Debussy songs, polished up the coloratura in my favorite Handel aria, practiced timing my entrances for the Chausson I'm performing with Professor Negyesy & co. in April, and focused on grounding myself throughout. It was one of the more productive practices I've had in the past month, and I'm very happy with what I managed to make progress on :)
Tomorrow's plan of attack: hammer out another Debussy song, try to maintain the focal consistency I established today, and work intensively on that Puccini aria that's been giving me grief all quarter. It is probably the simplest aria I have in my rep from a technical point of view. That does make it extremely challenging to successfully interpret. Think of it this way. Everybody and their mothers can sing "Imagine." Few people can really make it ring. I'm dead serious. The simpler the melody, the greater the difficulties encountered in expressively performing it. Anyway, this "Quando m'en vo" is too easy to butcher. And that's exactly what I do. I butcher it. Terribly.
ANYWAY, I'm pretty damn excited. Tomorrow's gonna be a great day. I feel it. That Puccini will be mine.
What else did I do? Practiced like I said I would. I've also been reading cookbooks. Oh! And I fell in love. With Juan Diego Florez. That man's voice is like butter for the soul. Like lube for the ears. Not to mention candy for the eyes ;)
But about that practice. I was getting really frustrated with my first session this morning. My voice just was not doing what I wanted it to, and it was starting to make me upset. So, given this luxury of spring break during which I have hours to spare, I walked away. I did some housework, cooked lunch, ate, watched an opera, made a (savory) daikon cake for breakfast tomorrow, cleaned the kitchen, then settled in front of the piano once more. And it all worked out. I did some intensive interpretive work on one of my Debussy songs, polished up the coloratura in my favorite Handel aria, practiced timing my entrances for the Chausson I'm performing with Professor Negyesy & co. in April, and focused on grounding myself throughout. It was one of the more productive practices I've had in the past month, and I'm very happy with what I managed to make progress on :)
Tomorrow's plan of attack: hammer out another Debussy song, try to maintain the focal consistency I established today, and work intensively on that Puccini aria that's been giving me grief all quarter. It is probably the simplest aria I have in my rep from a technical point of view. That does make it extremely challenging to successfully interpret. Think of it this way. Everybody and their mothers can sing "Imagine." Few people can really make it ring. I'm dead serious. The simpler the melody, the greater the difficulties encountered in expressively performing it. Anyway, this "Quando m'en vo" is too easy to butcher. And that's exactly what I do. I butcher it. Terribly.
ANYWAY, I'm pretty damn excited. Tomorrow's gonna be a great day. I feel it. That Puccini will be mine.
Saturday, March 19, 2011
My Rainy Reception
It is storming so hard in the bay, and I am loving every minute of it :)
The rain hasn't let up since I arrived, and the wind is utterly deafening. So far I've gone to the library, watched some March Madness, taken a nap with my dog, baked egg custard tarts, stuffed my face full of Taiwanese food, gotten a new phone, gone to the family acupuncturist, and had looooongass conversations with my dad about... lots of things.
Also, I got a random IM from Jeff, my "new bestie," who is also back in the bay on spring break, and he is convinced that he's found pictures of us hanging out as kids. I'm very curious. This could explain so much about our instant friendship. I know I haven't written about him at all, but we were literally chatting away like old pals within 3 seconds of "Hi, I'm [Jen/Jeff]." AND Monday-Wednesday of finals week was alllllll about the Jen-Jeff study buddy system, without fail. We even took a Warriors game study break on Wednesday. In Geisel. Watched the entire game. Best. Study. Buddy. Ever. Anyway... I'm super curious to find out if we are indeed long-lost childhood friends!!! That guy is the shit :D
So yea. About that new phone. We got a spare free phone from our last renewal, so I'm using that phone (brand spankin' new, and my first non-Sony mobile device!) Still getting used to it, but it's nice to have a clean start. Lost a lot of numbers, but I don't talk to a ton of people on a regular basis anyway. Mostly just my core stash of homies :)
My dad hinted that he thinks we should all upgrade to smart phones... (I have to admit it. I have fallen in love with the Samsung Captivate. It's soooo light and that screen is something else!) But we have to wait until November before we can renew and potentially upgrade. We'll see come Thanksgiving.
It feels so good to come home!!! Tomorrow: I get to cook a bigass pot of Taiwanese braised beef. My ultimate comfort food. AND my mom gets back from her convention in LA! Love :)
The rain hasn't let up since I arrived, and the wind is utterly deafening. So far I've gone to the library, watched some March Madness, taken a nap with my dog, baked egg custard tarts, stuffed my face full of Taiwanese food, gotten a new phone, gone to the family acupuncturist, and had looooongass conversations with my dad about... lots of things.
Also, I got a random IM from Jeff, my "new bestie," who is also back in the bay on spring break, and he is convinced that he's found pictures of us hanging out as kids. I'm very curious. This could explain so much about our instant friendship. I know I haven't written about him at all, but we were literally chatting away like old pals within 3 seconds of "Hi, I'm [Jen/Jeff]." AND Monday-Wednesday of finals week was alllllll about the Jen-Jeff study buddy system, without fail. We even took a Warriors game study break on Wednesday. In Geisel. Watched the entire game. Best. Study. Buddy. Ever. Anyway... I'm super curious to find out if we are indeed long-lost childhood friends!!! That guy is the shit :D
So yea. About that new phone. We got a spare free phone from our last renewal, so I'm using that phone (brand spankin' new, and my first non-Sony mobile device!) Still getting used to it, but it's nice to have a clean start. Lost a lot of numbers, but I don't talk to a ton of people on a regular basis anyway. Mostly just my core stash of homies :)
My dad hinted that he thinks we should all upgrade to smart phones... (I have to admit it. I have fallen in love with the Samsung Captivate. It's soooo light and that screen is something else!) But we have to wait until November before we can renew and potentially upgrade. We'll see come Thanksgiving.
It feels so good to come home!!! Tomorrow: I get to cook a bigass pot of Taiwanese braised beef. My ultimate comfort food. AND my mom gets back from her convention in LA! Love :)
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
My Shifting Gears
I put some lavender in my morning cup of Earl Grey today, and I have to say it is delightfully floral and refreshing!
Know what else is refreshing? Not dreading my ringtone. Having evenings to myself and present company. That's refreshing. I feel as if I've gotten an entire dimension of my life back.
I usually have doubts about truncated relationships. I definitely struggled with breaking things off with "Ted Mosby," Keith, and even WebMike (to a certain extent), despite the fact that those relationships were all pretty much doomed anyway. I even had doubts about cutting ties with James and Alex (despite the fact that I'd only hung out with either of them once or twice!) I'd never dated someone who made a breakup quite this easy. Well... maybe that first college bf of mine. Sure, it was difficult to bring up and lay out on the table, and I felt sad that things couldn't work out, but it was as if the second all of it clicked, he started exponentially exemplifying every characteristic that had led to my original resolution. It was quintessentially unappealing. I was not amused to say the least. I felt that I was able to hang up somewhat amicably though, despite the degree of my annoyance with him.
I was not exactly ecstatic to see his name on my caller ID yesterday afternoon, but I picked up and was about as friendly as I could stand to be. Poor guy had a rough night, and the least I could do was to give him the benefit of the doubt and treat him with respect. Basically, he'd dialed me up to call me out on what I had to say about the entire ordeal to my brother. Why he'd been trolling around my brother's facebook page, I have no idea. Well, that's a lie. He was obviously keeping a fairly close watch on my own facebook page. Point is, I can understand the want to keep track of one's exes. I do not, however, understand the need to call them up and ask them to justify their words and actions... especially when those words or actions were not meant for one to track down and read.
I think he may have failed to realize that it was exactly that kind of behavior that made being with him such a pain, and so I categorically listed out reason after reason after reason as to why we would never be together again. Ever. I revoked his access to my Twitter feed, restricted my Facebook profile, and asked him not to cling to any hopes. (After all that he still had the audacity to claim I'd "dashed any and all hopes." What hopes? Surely he couldn't have truly believed he'd have any hope whatsoever of whatever we had working out after Sunday night's ridiculous spiel. And Monday afternoon's whine-fest... What kind of idiot does he take me for anyway?)
As to why he thinks I've changed so drastically? I really haven't. I've always been upfront and forthcoming with regards to my personality. I'm politically liberal, and I seldom fail to acknowledge that. I miss the bay constantly, and I look forward to a permanent move back. I'm staying in San Diego because the opera here is fairly mediocre and lacks competition (thereby a great opportunity for me!) I think the lack of arts and music programs in the area is deplorable, but I'm enjoying the time I have with my friends and teachers. I'm not one to put up masks. I am who I am who I am.
I'll concede that I can be harsh, but the fact of that matter is that I am glad to be done with this particular relationship. I've slept better knowing that I don't have a breakup to orchestrate. I haven't had to censor my tweets to steer clear of jealous tendencies. My wall posts can be left as they are for the same reason! I feel so liberated.
The rest of this week is going to be a piece of cake. Taking finals for classes I've already aced. Driving back to the bay to see my family. Being home. Loving it :)
Know what else is refreshing? Not dreading my ringtone. Having evenings to myself and present company. That's refreshing. I feel as if I've gotten an entire dimension of my life back.
I usually have doubts about truncated relationships. I definitely struggled with breaking things off with "Ted Mosby," Keith, and even WebMike (to a certain extent), despite the fact that those relationships were all pretty much doomed anyway. I even had doubts about cutting ties with James and Alex (despite the fact that I'd only hung out with either of them once or twice!) I'd never dated someone who made a breakup quite this easy. Well... maybe that first college bf of mine. Sure, it was difficult to bring up and lay out on the table, and I felt sad that things couldn't work out, but it was as if the second all of it clicked, he started exponentially exemplifying every characteristic that had led to my original resolution. It was quintessentially unappealing. I was not amused to say the least. I felt that I was able to hang up somewhat amicably though, despite the degree of my annoyance with him.
I was not exactly ecstatic to see his name on my caller ID yesterday afternoon, but I picked up and was about as friendly as I could stand to be. Poor guy had a rough night, and the least I could do was to give him the benefit of the doubt and treat him with respect. Basically, he'd dialed me up to call me out on what I had to say about the entire ordeal to my brother. Why he'd been trolling around my brother's facebook page, I have no idea. Well, that's a lie. He was obviously keeping a fairly close watch on my own facebook page. Point is, I can understand the want to keep track of one's exes. I do not, however, understand the need to call them up and ask them to justify their words and actions... especially when those words or actions were not meant for one to track down and read.
I think he may have failed to realize that it was exactly that kind of behavior that made being with him such a pain, and so I categorically listed out reason after reason after reason as to why we would never be together again. Ever. I revoked his access to my Twitter feed, restricted my Facebook profile, and asked him not to cling to any hopes. (After all that he still had the audacity to claim I'd "dashed any and all hopes." What hopes? Surely he couldn't have truly believed he'd have any hope whatsoever of whatever we had working out after Sunday night's ridiculous spiel. And Monday afternoon's whine-fest... What kind of idiot does he take me for anyway?)
As to why he thinks I've changed so drastically? I really haven't. I've always been upfront and forthcoming with regards to my personality. I'm politically liberal, and I seldom fail to acknowledge that. I miss the bay constantly, and I look forward to a permanent move back. I'm staying in San Diego because the opera here is fairly mediocre and lacks competition (thereby a great opportunity for me!) I think the lack of arts and music programs in the area is deplorable, but I'm enjoying the time I have with my friends and teachers. I'm not one to put up masks. I am who I am who I am.
I'll concede that I can be harsh, but the fact of that matter is that I am glad to be done with this particular relationship. I've slept better knowing that I don't have a breakup to orchestrate. I haven't had to censor my tweets to steer clear of jealous tendencies. My wall posts can be left as they are for the same reason! I feel so liberated.
The rest of this week is going to be a piece of cake. Taking finals for classes I've already aced. Driving back to the bay to see my family. Being home. Loving it :)
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