My Shifting Gears

I put some lavender in my morning cup of Earl Grey today, and I have to say it is delightfully floral and refreshing!

Know what else is refreshing? Not dreading my ringtone. Having evenings to myself and present company. That's refreshing. I feel as if I've gotten an entire dimension of my life back.

I usually have doubts about truncated relationships. I definitely struggled with breaking things off with "Ted Mosby," Keith, and even WebMike (to a certain extent), despite the fact that those relationships were all pretty much doomed anyway. I even had doubts about cutting ties with James and Alex (despite the fact that I'd only hung out with either of them once or twice!) I'd never dated someone who made a breakup quite this easy. Well... maybe that first college bf of mine. Sure, it was difficult to bring up and lay out on the table, and I felt sad that things couldn't work out, but it was as if the second all of it clicked, he started exponentially exemplifying every characteristic that had led to my original resolution. It was quintessentially unappealing. I was not amused to say the least. I felt that I was able to hang up somewhat amicably though, despite the degree of my annoyance with him.

I was not exactly ecstatic to see his name on my caller ID yesterday afternoon, but I picked up and was about as friendly as I could stand to be. Poor guy had a rough night, and the least I could do was to give him the benefit of the doubt and treat him with respect. Basically, he'd dialed me up to call me out on what I had to say about the entire ordeal to my brother. Why he'd been trolling around my brother's facebook page, I have no idea. Well, that's a lie. He was obviously keeping a fairly close watch on my own facebook page. Point is, I can understand the want to keep track of one's exes. I do not, however, understand the need to call them up and ask them to justify their words and actions... especially when those words or actions were not meant for one to track down and read.

I think he may have failed to realize that it was exactly that kind of behavior that made being with him such a pain, and so I categorically listed out reason after reason after reason as to why we would never be together again. Ever. I revoked his access to my Twitter feed, restricted my Facebook profile, and asked him not to cling to any hopes. (After all that he still had the audacity to claim I'd "dashed any and all hopes." What hopes? Surely he couldn't have truly believed he'd have any hope whatsoever of whatever we had working out after Sunday night's ridiculous spiel. And Monday afternoon's whine-fest... What kind of idiot does he take me for anyway?)

As to why he thinks I've changed so drastically? I really haven't. I've always been upfront and forthcoming with regards to my personality. I'm politically liberal, and I seldom fail to acknowledge that. I miss the bay constantly, and I look forward to a permanent move back. I'm staying in San Diego because the opera here is fairly mediocre and lacks competition (thereby a great opportunity for me!) I think the lack of arts and music programs in the area is deplorable, but I'm enjoying the time I have with my friends and teachers. I'm not one to put up masks. I am who I am who I am.

I'll concede that I can be harsh, but the fact of that matter is that I am glad to be done with this particular relationship. I've slept better knowing that I don't have a breakup to orchestrate. I haven't had to censor my tweets to steer clear of jealous tendencies. My wall posts can be left as they are for the same reason! I feel so liberated.

The rest of this week is going to be a piece of cake. Taking finals for classes I've already aced. Driving back to the bay to see my family. Being home. Loving it :)