My Christmas Concert

Had a Christmas Concert at the church tonight... it was exhilarating for a few reasons:

1. Brandon wore a gorgeous suit with a red vest and white tie. Jaw = dropped. I went in a short, but sophisticated Andrew Marc dress and my usual Kors wedge heels. We got to be that impeccably dressed couple. So fun :)
2. The octet we sang in with our coworkers sounded great! Gotta love all that gorgeous early music.
3. The reception was awkward, but possibly the most flattering experience I've ever had in my entire life.

Things are going well. I've with this guy for three whole months if you ignore the fact that we haven't gotten around to officializing anything (that's kind of a long time to be with someone in my book)... and he makes me feel gorgeous every single day :)

My career is beginning to ignite and people are beginning to take notice of this UCSD soprano with range, volume, and musicianship to spare. My professional network has been growing slowly, but surely. My concert life is only going to get busier, come next year.

Also, mulled wine. SO good. And seasonally relevant! J'adore cet saison. Ma vie est un peu difficile, mais je ne veux pas vivre dans une autre reve :)

My Queen of the Night

It's one of those things I never thought I would be working on until my mid-late twenties, but it seems to be a really good fit right now. I'm preparing my first Queen of the Night aria--it's the less famous one, but still. It feels like a big deal to me. I mean... this has basically been my dream role ever since I started singing seriously, and here I am, starting to iron this baby out.

Kind of makes me wonder where my voice will end up when I settle into a career, since the timbre is already so dramatic when I'm still just in school...

But yea. That's exciting. Definitely lots of things happening this past month. I'm so busy it feels like I'm constantly on the verge of tardiness. Time is ticking, and I can't seem to decide if I would prefer that the last two weeks of school speed past or slow down. On the one hand, I have more work to do than there are hours in the day. On the other, I just don't care anymore and want everything to end already.

Can't wait for next weekend..

My Fall Quarter So Far

I haven't been updating this blog nearly as much as I used to. Probably because I keep a physical diary now.

I'm currently in the process of trying to shift a bunch of rehearsal commitments around so I can take a chorus position with the Riverside Lyric Opera because they're doing the West Coast premier of John Adams' 2006 opera, "A Flowering Tree." It'd be a commute, but I'd get paid... and it's also experience that I definitely want on my resume.

What else is new? I'm totally smitten over this awesome coworker I have. We kind of have a thing. It's totally the shit. I read a LOT--both for my classes and just for my own academic side projects. New pedagogy book I'm really into right now is called The Naked Voice. Really insightful stuff, yet easy to digest. Also in my book bag is a collection of Michel de Montaigne's essays. Eminently logical and very eloquent, but exceedingly dense. I did a 6-7 hour Montaigne-intensive at Panera on Saturday. I think my brain was a little mushy after that. Scratch that. I was totally braindead after that session.

Good thing was that Brandon came over and we kicked it. Went to work together this morning. Kicked it some more afterwards. Seventeen hours straight with that kid. Things are going well, I'd say.

On the flip side, I'm having a really hard time with Gernot. Things were really cool between us when he got back from Austria. We weren't nearly as close as we were over the summer, but we were still really friendly and even hung out a little bit on Friday morning when he came to San Diego a little while ago. That all changed when I told him I was seeing someone just a few days ago. He's been texting/calling me nonstop ever since--telling me how much he misses me, calling me "baby," and being kind of dickish in general. Less than awesome. Weird how things change like that.

My Recent Thoughts & Doings

Less than a week until school starts.

Been busying myself with lots of yoga, cooking for myself, staging arias, rehearsing, and all that jazz. I'm also holding myself to a stricter code of behavior lately. No caffeine after quitting time (read: after 5 pm). Sleeping around midnight. Restricting computer use late at night. Things like that. I'm definitely starting to feel much better than I did last week, so that's a good sign.

The big thing is really the restricting computer use bit. Rather than spending my last conscious minutes scrambling to catch up on the blogs I read and responding to Facebook posts, I've started meditating on a sonnet a night--that is, I'm analyzing and memorizing poetry. Surprisingly, it really doesn't take all that long. Then again, I've started with the sonnets that I'm already familiar with. We'll see if I can keep it up. I won't force myself if I eventually get to the point when I'm just too exhausted come bedtime, but for now it's a calming, pleasant, and satisfying way to entertain myself before knocking out.

What else? Currently in email correspondence with a Piano Masters candidate who wants to collaboratively tackle Rachmaninoff's Op. 38 (a set of six songs) in his Masters recital next year so that's an interesting commitment I might be taking on. It means more Russian and that'll be good to expand that section of my repertoire.

The masterclass I'm singing in is tomorrow. I'm not quite prepared... all of the music is there, but I can't seem to nail the dramatic portion of it all down just yet. It doesn't feel natural. But by gumption, it will be! I'm going to be Konstanze if it fucking kills me.

My Head Hurts.

It started with one tough day. Then came another. It's so easy to believe in myself when I'm on form. It's a whole different ball game when what felt easy two days ago is suddenly a constant struggle. I keep having to tell myself that it's all a process to be stronger and better--that agility needs to be accumulated and dexterity carefully cultivated--but it's still hard not to beat myself up over days like these.

I hate how delicate the human voice is. One day it's gargantuan and utterly unstoppable. The next day it punishes me with all of the power and none of the finesse. At times it simply flies itself into the stratosphere, floating gorgeous high Ds, Es, Fs, Gs, and even As an octave above the staff. Yet other times, even sputtering out an aesthetically passable high C is a grueling vertical climb.

It probably doesn't help that I haven't had a lesson in nearly two weeks.

I walked away from the piano five or six times today, my frustration gaining momentum with each successive episode of abandonment. At the end of it all, I wanted nothing more than to scream out until the notes would come to me. I didn't.

This genre I've enveloped myself in is incredibly unforgiving. In the popular and folk traditions of vocal expression, perceptible flaws are widely accepted--embraced even. Adele finds herself on the receiving end of critical acclaim despite the rawness of her technique. Indeed, the slight rasp and unrefined musical phrases lend her a certain charm and character that I myself admire. But in this tiny niche of classical voice, the standard is very much... standard. And of all those who will judge me in the coming months, I swear I am my own greatest critic. I know the sound and sensation of what I am capable of. I can feel the way the music should be shaped before the pianist even touches the keys. I am perfectly aware of my potential, and I cannot be satisfied unless my own expectations are fulfilled. Once they are, well, that just means that I haven't set my sights nearly high enough.

Yet I know that nothing can be forced. The harder I try, the harder it gets. My best musical moments have all been products of offhanded vocalizations without so much as a thought given to technique, expression, or anything at all. If only it could always be so easy!

This evening will have been a success if and only if I can manage to shrug off today's lingering negativity. Here's hoping that rest will calm my thoughts and make for a better tomorrow. I could really use a new day right about now.

My Hometown High

My last week of August is going to be spent in the bay. Love.

Work starts in a week. I'm now 22. My friends are the shit. Got RT'd by Kristen Sze today. Eric brought Bella over to play with Leia in the afternoon (SO CUTE!). Sushi dinner with the fam to celebrate David's 19th and my 22nd. I've logged some really solid practice time yesterday and today. Gernot and I haven't talked for nearly two days now, which feels rather odd, but not unsettling.

I'm doing a lot of studying of roles--preparing for aria staging next week. New side project is also in the works: learning an entire opera role. I've already partially learned Fiordiligi of Mozart's Cosi fan tutte. I might finish that one up, but more likely I'll pick up Marie of Donizetti's La fille du Regiment or Giulietta of Bellini's I Capuleti e i Montecchi. Both are only two acts and better suited to my voice as of right now. Plus I practically have the entirety of La fille du Regiment committed to memory... it's my favorite comic opera. I've watched it at least 5 times lol.

Prepping for a zillion auditions/competitions. I don't think I have to worry about the SD Opera Chorus (the important thing was that I got my name out there). Metropolitan Council, The Messiah, Long Beach Mozart Festival, La Jolla Symphony Young Artist... there's plenty to busy myself with.

My Slight Confusion...

I woke up at 6 a.m. yesterday. Got up, put on (minimal) clothes, brushed my teeth, and plopped down in front of my computer to check e-mails. Gernot was Facebook. We talked for... two hours. And then I went to yoga, did my trying to be not sick thing, etc. Had pho. Went out to ghetto-suburbia, San Diego (jk. Pitchers/Cheers). Hung out. Stuff.

And then this morning, I went to yoga, did a little cleaning, and got a phone call. From him. From abroad. Ummm... melt. Little while later, I was online and he IM'd me on Facebook. We then Skyped. For hours.

OK. I know we're just dating. And I know that I've been laying low and keeping things relatively chill on the whole relationship front thing, but this shit is pretty fuckin cute. And I am a tiny bit falling harder. Fuck. Oops!

Actually we're skyping right now again because he's jetlagged and can't sleep (it's 4:30 am over there).

My Rough Return

I had originally intended on returning to San Diego on Sunday night. Didn't happen. We watched this crazyass German psychothriller: Antikoerper (Antibodies in English). Seriously, so good. Streamed it on Netflix. It's nuts.

Anyway, that took until 9:30 ish, at which point we were both hungry so we decided to get In-N-Out before I headed out. But then when we got there, it was totally packed, so we took our food to go and ate at his place. Went totally nuts on the ketchup. Stuff like that. I helped him clean up, etc. At that point it was creeping towards 11... and with Ted's busted headlight, we just said "screw it" and I stayed another night.

But he had to pack. For a month in Austria. So we kinda just had this late night cleaning kickback while he blasted some Manufactured Superstars. It worked out for the best. He didn't have to pull an all-nighter getting his apartment in order and I didn't have to high-beam my way all the way back to SD. In the end, we cuddled up on the couch for half an hour while waiting for his last load of laundry to finish cycling at 1 am... neither of us saying a damn thing.

What we have is... odd, to say the least. I'm happy not hammering out the details of exactly what it is we share. And it's kind of a relief that we can continue to dodge that talk for at least another month. (Can you believe we've had this oddity of a friendship for over a month now???) Anyway, things are fine the way they are. I... have no idea what I want anymore with regards to... all of that.

The only thing I know for sure is that I want to sing. And I want to be the best. And I can be the fucking best. Everything else is... a bonus. "I really like this guy, we have a pretty awesome chemistry, and the sex is to die for." is about as much as I can hope for right now. I don't need a boyfriend. I don't need any drama. All I need is to practice like the dickens and take what's mine.

My Heart to Hearts

The past week or so has been filled with many glasses of whiskey on the rocks. Very many. If I had to guess, I'd neighborhood it right around 20.

But other than that, I've had quite a few hefty conversations. We're talkin HEFTY. Many of those were of a personal nature... and let's just leave it at "things are so damn complicated now..."

But one--the one I had last night after my voice lesson with Enrique--has utterly flipped my world on its head. He's putting me in every competition in the area. He's telling me to fly to New York and study with his old teacher at Julliard. He's telling me I need to compete on the national stage next year. Of all the grad schools I had been looking at (CU Boulder, USC, FSU, etc) he thinks I should pick one as a fallback. While it's true that I've made huge strides in the past few months, Enrique sees something in me that I didn't know was there. I've always known that I'm an excellent musician, but as far as singing goes, I've always felt behind. But now he's telling me I need to go for the big conservatories--that Julliard would be lucky to have me. And it's all... so unreal. Half of our conversation was him telling me all this and me staring blankly back at him with my mouth hanging open.

I have so much to think about. This changes everything. This changes the plans I had in my head for the past year or so. This changes my goals for the following year. This changes my expectations for myself. This changes my aspirations. My hopes and dreams have rocketed skyward. Oh. And I want it. I want it baddddd.

My Falling In

The new squeeze drove down on Thursday. I was "DD." That's in quotation marks because I actually dropped the boys off downtown (after having split a bottle of wine with Gernot over dinner), headed straight to the usual spot, and proceeded to drink copious amounts of whiskey. I don't usually hit up bars all by my lonesome self, but it was so much fun. I met tons of people and all my drinks were free :) Had a couple of shots of fireball and a few Jim Beam and Sevens, courtesy of a lot of very friendly bar randoms. Eventually sobered up a little, picked up the boys from gaslamp at around 1:30, went nuts at the Cotixan's drive thru window, and passed the hell out at home.

Friday is the day that I really wanted to document though. We spent the whole day together. Had brunch in Hillcrest. Wandered around Balboa Park. Played on a swing set. Took a nap in the grass. The sun was out, there was just the slightest breeze, and everything was just nonstop and perfect. We talked and talked about any/everything. When it got to be late in the afternoon, we meandered back to my car, drove to the house, and talked over some diet coke. I did a little bit of interval analysis for my pieces while he updated his resume. Then we cuddled up on the couch and I helped him rewrite parts of his cover letter. Afterwards we went to the pool!!! Horsed around some. Talked some. Hung out in the hot tub some. Talked some more.

After both of us had gotten all the chlorine out and put on some fresh duds, we talked to Karen a little. Grace came over and the two of them started to get ready to hit the town. At that point, Gernot's Saturday morning cancelled, and he decided to stay another night. So we all slutted up, pre-gamed, and drove to downtown once more. I drank a ton of Jack out of the back of my car after we had parked. We got comped into Side Bar, and had sooo much fun dancing. I met a whole ton of people while I was catching an extended smoke break outside. We all left trashed, hit up Cotixan's again, and went to bed.

It was such a perfect balance of sweet/romantic fun and trashy/fuckedup fun loll. I... am having way too much fun these days :)

Buca for lunch on Saturday. Hangout with awesome friends of yore and an incredible stage production of Dr. Horrible in the afternoon/evening.

Call me crazy, but I love the will-they-won't-they suspense with the boo. It's fun to be a little on the line about things.

My Dangerous Dating Digs

I have such a love/hate relationship with dating during singledom. It can be so fun, yet such a hassle. It can be nice to get to know people... or a total drag.

This time around, I'm loving it. I have great times with this guy I'm totally into, and it's casual, yet intimate. And I'm usually not this way, but I really like him. I like him a lot. And he likes me too! I need to anchor myself back down to... me. It worries me how much I'm into him.

My Hot and Heavy Haustrian Hootch-fest

It's been a long weekend. Literally. But I've been kickin it with friends. One friend in particular...

Definitely loving the chemistry. And I am allll over the fun times we have doing seemingly mundane things (napping on a Sunday afternoon, hanging out at the pool, showering ;), etc.) He's made fun of me for being a heartbreaker (apparently my aunot-completely-accurate reputation precedes me.) and I like to poke fun at him for being old, but I'm really going to have to watch myself this time around. Girl is getting quite tangled up in this mess.

Oh yea. Yogurt soju + old school sega night with a few cool guys right now. Haustrian will be back soon, at which point we will have to see if sleep will happen this weekend (don't count on it.)

Fuckin shit he is so hot and charming and sweet and sexy and funny. All at the same time. And OMG.

Wow. I feel like such a little kid right now. Then again... he is 32. Oops!

My Trysty Thursday

Hung out with half the house on Thursday. Richard and his friend from out of town went clubbing. Let's call his friend Haustrian. Because he's hot and Austrian. Karen and I picked them up afterwards. They got food, we all hung out, talked until 3 or so in the morning, and then Haustrian and I started drinking some more. Fun stuff.

I fuckin love older men. Who are athletes. And have toned arms. And abs. And killer accents. And a slight 5 o' clock shadow. And gorgeous eyes. I've never really been into blondes, but this guy will do.

Friday was spent half-jaded. I fell asleep on the book I was supposed to be reading by the pool. Didn't go to yoga. Had a mediocre lesson. Soooo tired. That's the first time in a really long time that I've stayed in bed past noon. I stayed up kinda late texting with him last night too, so I'm still tired today. Boo. Nodding off as I type this...

But I'm in a happy place. Keeping things casual, but friendly. I get the feeling that he's not the type to share, but as far as I'm concerned, I'm not spoken for and anything goes. I think I was wired to be a single gal lol.

My Tuesday Morning Thoughts

Between yoga sessions right now. I'm trying to focus on being really connected with my body. Summer so far has felt a little disjointed in that respect. It's been a while since I had a lesson in Alexander Technique, and I'm starting to notice various tensions sneaking into my daily doings--driving with a clenched hip or shoulder, sitting un-centered, stuff like that. Loosen up, girl. It's summer!!! (Although you can hardly tell because of all this coastal gloominess.)

There's not that much left to do with regards to getting my room in order, but I can't seem to grit my teeth and just do it. I resolve to fix that today. After lesson with Phil... and lunch... urgh. I just keep telling myself it's almost taken care of anyway, but I would really much prefer to be fully settled. I'm actually half a mind to just throw away all the shit I haven't already unpacked, because I'm apparently doing just fine without any of it. Except that I probably have my tax records chilling in one of those boxes...

In other news, I'm pretty proud of myself for eating regularly. Not overdoing it and keeping (most) things healthy, fair day being the exception--and even that wasn't too bad. Roasted corn, some nachos, and Costco po' dogs. Could have been much worse.

I had a prolonged conversation with this guy who works at Gamestop about the OoT reboot. We discussed the Water Temple at length and the merits of the new 3DS setup that makes the iron-boots-on-off maneuvering much less of a pain. I also enlightened him about deuling Ganondorf: You can volley energy blasts with him using an empty bottle! Crazy, right? After that, he asked me what I was up to the for the summer (chilling at Gamestop on Monday afternoon? Obviously not employed) so I told him a little about myself. He told me I should come work there and handed me an application. So that was that.

What else? My big brother got the sweetest little puppy I have ever laid eyes on. I want to steal her. She is so cute. We got lunch together yesterday and played with her by the new student center. And I got to meet his new girlfriend! For the first time in a LONG time, I actually like his girlfriend. She's cute and friendly and treats him with the respect my big brother deserves. Funny thing about Eric and I. We both seem to have an endless stream of others, but while I'm constantly hopping between casual dates, he always seems to be in a serious relationship. I don't think he's been single for over 2 months since... 7th grade. And why should he be? He's such a catch! Definitely one of the best-looking guys I know, and with charisma to spare. He always has my back :) In fact, we got to talking about my love life (or should I just call it a sex life?) and he got a little protective when I mentioned the whole guy-at-the-bar dealio. Heh. I love him so much. Always have, always will :)

So that's my life in a nutshell ish :)

My GAME ON

I had a jack & seven last night that was roughly the color of a jack & coke. There was also that beer. And that jim & seven. And a shot of something...??? And a jager bomb. I have not been that hammered in a long while.

I remember having a prolonged (and surprisingly civil) conversation with James about various basketball teams. I do NOT remember singing. I know I did, and I know what I sang, but I have absolutely no recollection of having sung anything at all. And then there was that guy.

OMG THEY JUST KEEP GETTING OLDER. I guessed he was 27 (strike one), 29 (strike two,) then 28 (strike three). Turns out he's a whopping 11 years my senior: 33. New PR, Jen. Well, he was really cute (or at least I definitely thought so last night), and he shares a name with Spiderman. From the flashes of conversation I remember, he was really cool. I think.

I've gotten to be rather excellent at sobering up enough to drive my ass home, but it always worries me a little when I wake up the next morning unable to recall my doing such. I should slap myself. Today, I woke up at 6 with a raging headache, so I buried my face in a mass of pillows and tried to sleep some more. I guess lying there helped, because I eventually got the urge to pee, and I felt OK when I sat up. And then I put my feet on the ground, pushed my ass off the bed, and damn near fell over. It's never happened to me before, but I was utterly incapacitated by a spell of dizziness. So I battled my way through an odd sort of hangover.

But now I'm bumming internet at Panera (SLOW AS BALLS) and loving me some breakfast (at 4 pm. Don't judge.) after a whole day of watching Friends, groaning at the sun in my eyes, and dry heaving. Productive, I know.

I think I'll text my new buddy. Partly because, according to my tweets, I seem to have really enjoyed his company, but mostly because I'm 70% sure he was a good kisser ;)

My Crippling Addiction

I have been home for nearly a week.

In that time, I've read about 2000 pages of print... and who knows how much more on the internet? The pile of books on my desk fell over just a little while ago, which caught my attention and forced me to really think about how much time I've spent with my nose buried in those pages. Verily, I've spent five or more hours each day reading. And I love it.

Granted, 700 or so of the pages were Harry Potter vol. 7...

My Forgotten Time Capsule

I just received an envelope in the mail from my seventeen year old self. In it, I found an AP Literature progress report (C-), a forged hall pass, some philosophical drivel I wrote myself, one of the notes my little sister and I used to exchange in the halls, and a calculus quiz. I read it all, letting all these nuances of my life in high school dust themselves off in my memory.

And at the end of it all, Zoe posed me a seemingly innocuous question. It wouldn't have fazed me four years ago, at any rate. I probably responded to her query with unfeigned nonchalance, but not today.

Just a sentence or two before she signed the loose leaf paper with her customarily tidy "love, your sister" in chinese, sat a two-word monster glaring at me from my hands. They were the first words on the reverse of her note to me, and they took me utterly by surprise. I bit myself so hard that I began to taste blood in my mouth. I must have grunted some kind of pseudo-strangled response, because my mom shot me a quizzical look.

Today was a day just like any other until I read, feeling as if my insides would never stop sinking, "How's Ray?"

Fuck.

My Short Anecdote

Short because typing on this damn iPad is something I'm not quite used to yet.

I used to fear moths. Maybe when I was five or six? They creeped me the hell out, and I remember trying to get them away from the windows at night because I detested them so much.

Then I had this phase in which compassion became this thing I was into. I didn't kill bugs or tap windows to get rid of moths. I just let them be, and even carried them out of harm's way whenever my classmates had such impulses to do otherwise. I think my mom got me into it. She has always been sorta Taoist for as long as I can remember, and to this day still says that what we call vermin are simply a part of nature that we should let be. Hm.

And when I was ten or so... I did a 180. And I have been that way ever since. Need something killed? I'm your girl. I think that was when I began to be more like my dad. He used to set mouse traps despite my tearful protests and would sit me down afterwards to explain the process of natural selection. Pretty brutal, but I guess it eventually got to me. I once killed a spider with my hand before one of my classmates could find a thick enough wad of tissue, shoved it in front of his face, and called him a wuss for wincing. Got lunch detention for it, but that's just how i was back in the seventh grade.

I think that is how I have dealt with things for the vast majority of my life. Particularly with things that I have feared. And now... Well, there really aren't many things that I can honestly say that I fear. Not many tangible things, at any rate. And this is coming from the girl who used to lie perfectly still in bed because she thought goldar might be able to see her from the window.

Not a fan of shots? Smile and watch them happen. Walking down the hallway without the light on? I see your hallway and raise you two flights of stairs. Sacrificing animals for research? Bam! Done hundreds of times over with mechanical precision.

I have decided that this is one of my favorite attributes of my personality: my willingness and ability to conquer the things that impede me. That and... I'm not the huge pussy I was when i was five.

Fun fact about pussies: I once dated a guy who yelled when he saw a spider in his living room. I killed it and, here's the baffling part, stayed with him for a year after that. Why, Jennifer?

My "Senior" Year

Yea. I have one final left in 6 hours, and it's OVER.

I can't even bring myself to start studying for that last final... lol. It's been a very unproductive morning, guys. Joyce came downstairs this morning and found me passed out on the couch. I really do not care. Not one little bit. Econ is half bullshit, half math, and guess who's pretty darned good at both those things!

I'd say it's been a really amazing year. I've grown as a concert artist and accomplished more than I had expected to, and I've gained a lot of confidence in my voice as well. Phil, Janos, Paivikki, and Enrique are definitely some of the most influential people in my life, and they've been absolutely crucial to my growth :)

One year ago, I had countless doubts about myself and my abilities. Even half a year ago I was searching for a backup plan. It's only very recently (past two or so weeks?) that I've begun to appreciate my own potential. I DO have the talent, and I AM willing to work for it. I'm on my way to becoming one hell of a singer. And isn't that just about as much as I can hope for when beginning a career? This year has been fabulous in terms of all that!

Shift happens.

And then there's other stuff. Like Matt! Lately I've been really digging this guy named Matt. We all know I shouldn't be allowed to be in relationships (Oops... I did it again!) but there ain't no harm in window shopping, amiright? Well he's smart, obsessed with Alexander Technique, a beastly bassist, and a fabulous jazz pianist as well. Have I mentioned that he's tall and loves Bruce Lee and Speed Racer? But what I like most about him is really how sharp, well-informed, and professionally demanding he is. During the times we've talked, I've never had to spell things out for him, which is odd, because I feel like I tend to make unconventional associations that most people don't follow with ease. He gets it when I hint at Descartes in our discussions of Wagner and Schopenhauer, and can quip back with equal subtlety. He takes every gig seriously, and doesn't mess around during rehearsal--even though we were rehearsing for what might be the worst composition of the decade. That coupled with gorgeous musicianship and a leaning towards classic nerdiness? Wow. I mean... we really started talking because I was humming this old Ella Fitzgerald under my breath before last weekend's composition juries, and not only did he pick up on what the song was, he started improvising the accompaniment with me.

I guess I'm a tiny bit smitten because it's so rare that I can share an intellectual conversation in music/philosophy/current events without feeling like it's one-sided (there's Frank, Diarmid, Jacob, some grad students, and Matt). And it's even more rare that I can share a mutual admiration of performance prowess (Mariya, An, Isaac, grad students, and Matt). All the more rarer still is the circumstance in which those musical capabilities can be enjoyed with ease and a shared sense of aural aesthetic (...just Matt.) And to have all three??? Well... he's certainly the first I've encountered.

I don't have it in me to fuck that kind relationship up.

Off topic much?

My First Audition

Tonight was my third audition in the past week or so, but my first audition for an actual production. I auditioned for Adele in Johann Strauss's Die Fledermaus. I don't expect to get the role, partly because of how sparse my resume is, but I don't think it's too much to hope for to have a spot in the chorus.

I was nervous. The theater was huge, the piano was twangy and slightly out of tune. The judges were fifty meters or more away from me, and I felt tiny on that stage. I sang my piece. Nailed the diction, but didn't have as much ring in my highest range as I would have wanted. All the notes happened. I didn't pee myself. I started at the proper times, and I played the part to an OK extent. I mean... it could have been so much worse.

For a first audition, I'd say it was not bad. I've got a couple more lined up for a few weeks from now: San Diego Opera, San Diego Musical Theater... you know. Stuff.

Tomorrow: Last final. Last Sajayjay outing. Last bit of moving. Last night in San Diego.

Back in the bay on Friday. As much as I love the new place in SD and I'm excited to begin my summerlong music intensive here, words cannot describe how desperate I am to see my family and home. LOOOOOOOOVE. Gonna chill at home, walk my dog, hit up the city, practice, do yoga, troll around libraries, it's going to be amazing.

I haven't posted about Matt on here yet, have I? Heads up: I'm probably gonna soon.

My Questionnaire

THREE NAMES YOU GO BY:
1. Jen
2. Jenwu
3. Jennifer

THREE SCREEN NAMES YOU HAVE HAD:
1. qtc0c0nut
2. bloodredrose
3. jenjwu

THREE PHYSICAL THINGS YOU LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:
1. Being pretty tall for an asian chick.
2. I guess I have pretty nice hands/feet
3. My eyes aren't tiny!

THREE PHYSICAL THINGS YOU DON'T LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:
1. My arms lack femininity
2. I'm way fatter than I used to be.
3. My hair refuses to stay curled :(

THREE PARTS OF YOUR HERITAGE:
1. Born in Alabama
2. Raised in California
3. Part Korean, but Taiwanese through and through.

THREE THINGS THAT SCARE YOU:
1. Loneliness
2. Being uninformed.
3. My future.

THREE OF YOUR EVERYDAY ESSENTIALS:
1. Lip balm
2. mobile/keys/wallet
3. yoga

THREE THINGS YOU ARE WEARING RIGHT NOW:
1. sundress
2. jean jacket
3. hair tie

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE BANDS OR MUSICAL ARTISTS:
1. John Legend
2. Two Door Cinema Club
3. Justin Nozuka

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE SONGS:
1. "All of the Lights" by Kanye West
2. "Diamonds are Forever" by Chaka Khan
3. "Still" by Gretchen Parlato

THREE THINGS YOU WANT IN A RELATIONSHIP:
1. Love.
2. Someone who can truly challenge me intellectually.
3. Strong physical attraction.

TWO TRUTHS AND A LIE (in no particular order):
1. I read Holes in one sitting last night.
2. I love candles.
3. I don't miss my smoking days.

THREE PHYSICAL THINGS ABOUT THE PREFERRED SEX THAT APPEAL TO YOU:
1. Physical fitness
2. Height (I really enjoy my 5-inch heels, people).
3. A charming smile :)

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE HOBBIES:
1. Playing music
2. Playing video games
3. Reading

THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO REALLY BADLY RIGHT NOW:
1. Perform at a consistently stellar level
2. Learn German
3. Play with my dog.

THREE CAREERS YOU'RE CONSIDERING/YOU'VE CONSIDERED:
1. Professional singer
2. Alexander Technique teacher
3. Yoga instructor

THREE PLACES YOU WANT TO GO ON VACATION:
1. Jamaica
2. Copenhagen
3. Bali

THREE KID'S NAMES YOU LIKE:
1. Caleb
2. Jacob
3. Sean

THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO BEFORE YOU DIE:
1. Be a better musician
2. Make something of a positive impact in some way.
3. Experience utter peace of mind.

THREE WAYS THAT YOU ARE STEREOTYPICALLY A GIRL:
1. I use conditioner.
2. I ogle and squeal at hot movie-men.
3. I love to cook?

THREE WAYS THAT YOU ARE STEREOTYPICALLY A BOY:
1. I play video games.
2. I dig action/zombie flicks.
3. I eat a lot.

THREE PEOPLE THAT I WOULD LIKE TO SEE TAKE THIS QUIZ NOW:
1. You
2. Renee Fleming
3. A number of my ancestors...

My Spurt of Sadness

I miss the songs you used to sing me. I miss the way you always lit a cigarette for me. I miss the night we danced, just the two of us. I miss your 2 a.m. phone calls. I miss our nights together at Cancer Park. I miss the drives, the walks, the joints, the beach, the lazy days, the long nights, all of it.

I miss you.

My Summer Project Blog

By now you all probably know about (or just of) my plans for the summer. If not, all details of that project can be found at Summer & The Second School, which is my post-by-post journal on my thoughts, findings, etc.

That probably means I won't be updating this blog as often, but we'll see how all this works out. I'm not yet sure of the frequency that I'll be updating the Summer blog, and I'm really not sure whether I plan on attempting publication or even summarizing my research in any way.

I'm starting off with 25 songs in a binder and seven library books. Can you tell I just can't wait to finish school and get hopping on this music-binging? SO EXCITED :) :) :)

My Lovely Little Weekend

I feel like Saturday and Sunday made up my first carefree weekend in a while. There was Vegas, but I think my recital was just lingering in the back of my head the whole trip. I really needed to relax, and relax I did the past few days. Hung out with friends, practiced music, went to yoga, played some XBOX, cleaned the kitchen, did laundry, etc.

I finally got some yoga back into my life after my Thursday-Friday dry spell. I was going to do two classes in a row on Saturday, but I was super fatigued after the first one and decided not to go for a second. I think it was a good call because the first class was an extra long, extra hot Vinyasa flow class, which I felt was a lot harder to get through than my usual hour-long non-flow classes. But Sunday, I did manage to do two classes (WHOO!) It was pretty nice. I took it pretty easy in the second class because it was a more posture-centered beginner class. Good things though.

And then there was this morning. I know. Total yoga binge. But I can't stop. YOGA IS THE SHITTT :)

Oh yea. Also, practice went really well on Saturday AND Sunday! And I guess today too. I start lessons with Enrique this week. I'm prepping for an audition next Monday for the San Diego Master Chorale. And then I'm auditioning for departmental honors. And then I'm auditioning for a production of Die Fledermaus at the San Diego Lyric Opera. Lots of auditioning, but nothing is really worrying me at the moment. Not a ton of pressure = practicing is less stressful = singing is easier.

I do have to update my resume though... I don't think anyone likes doing that. It's annoying.

My Final Stretch

Well... the recital is over and done with! And I am soooo super grateful for all of my friends both at school and outside of school for being such a spectacular fan base and support group. I feel the love, my loves :)

Phil was supersweet and got me a bouquet of roses (<3 <3 <3 <3 <3), and Joyce got me flowers too!!! So now Sajayjay is all flowered up and adorable!!! I LOVE HAVING FRESH FLOWERS AROUND!!!

On the flipside, I am really upset with financial institutions. I hate having to deal with them. I hate stressing over the markets. I hate inefficient bureaucracies. The past two days have been a real pain in the ass with regards to Wall Street. Damnit. I'd forgotten how stressful investing can be during a recession.

Sungod was today. I sold my wristband to a dude I used to sing with in choir lol. He drove down from Cal... me? I don't really care about Sungod. I always had the most fun drinking with friends rather than trolling around the actual festival--especially since the bands have been consistently mediocre. Sophomore year was definitely my best Sungod though :) iHouse is the place to hang. For serious.

Due to scheduling issues, I have not been to yoga in two whole days. SADNESS. DISLIKE. NOT A FAN. I did go twice on Wednesday though, and I have decided that twice a day is not overdoing it. And I invested in a hot yoga towel. It's exactly the size of my mat and helps so that my mat doesn't get all slippery when I sweat all over it, which is useful because that way I won't slip and kill myself mid-practice.

But yea. Tomorrow is gonna be good. I'm going to yoga it up and practice and other good shit :)

Man.. I have been all over the place this post. Sorry. Lots to say. Not enough willpower to organize it in a logical fashion. This week has fatigued me to no end. Whewwwww!

My Mid-Week Update

Made a pate today. Pretty good. But I'd add some dried figs or something next time around. I think it could've used a kick of sweetness.

My recital is soon. DAMN soon. It's hard to stay focused. Which brings me to...

Yoga. I set my intention each day and dedicate my mind and body to being grounded. It really helps.

Had a huge breakthrough on Monday. Even post-partying, I'm feeling more consistent with my voice.

Starting to fret a little about this moving biznass. Only a few weeks remain... I'm not awfully chuffed about packing up and clearing out amidst finals week and an audition. Eeek!

VEGAS. Was the funnest time I've had in a really long time. I LOVE MY FRIENDS. SO MUCH. Seriously, thems is good peeps and I lurve them dearly :)

Umm... have I mentioned that one of my pieces STILL isn't memorized??? Yea. Yea. Cutting it real close, Jen. REAL FUCKIN CLOSE.

My Outline for Wednesday

9:40 music theory practical exam
10:00 econ section
11: music history section
1:00 lesson with Phil
5:00 teaching Audrey
7:15 yoga
8:15 ...hang out with my old crew??? As in TED MOSBY & CO.???

YEA. So weird. I haven't hung out with them in two years. I did have lunch with Mike a little while back. (After I broke up with Mike no. 3).. And blegh. I might just go home after yoga. It's tiring.

My Supereventful Days

I have been juggling a lot of things between losing various person effects (wallet, car, keys, all within the past month or so). First of all, I've started a sort of yoga regimen.

I'm not nearly as flexible as I was back in high school, and since there was a sick discount online, I picked up an unlimited month-long pass for a yoga studio close to school to remedy that. It's a heated studio, so every class is heated up to about 100 F. Hot stuff. I go, sweat my balls of, get tangled up all over myself, pass the hell out while "meditating," and generally absorb hippie-ish happy thoughts. It's a fuckin workout. I've gone four out of the past five days, two times at 6 am (I KNOW, RIGHT???) and I plan on keeping this up because it feels good and stuff. After all of the ballsweating...

I would continue this post and talk about all the other shit that's happening, but I am actually really exhausted right now, and further thoughts will just have to marinate overnight.

My Bout of Absentmindedness

Seriously, I HAVE BEEN SO LOOPY THESE PAST FEW DAYS! Is it the yoga??? Surely I can't be THAT disconnected with worldly things.

There was this whole fiasco with Ted whoring himself out to a tow truck on Friday night. Stupid car. And then there's me today. I have completely lost track of my car keys. They are nowhere to be found. In fact, I am quite puzzled. Thankfully, I checked, and Ted is still parked at Regents. Also, I have a spare set at home. So that's good. But for now... my key card to the music building, house keys, and student ID are all MIA. Along with my Warriors lanyard :'(

Hopefully somebody picked it up and is just trying to figure out how to contact me? Hopefully. Or maybe I'm REALLY stupid and locked the suckers in the trunk when I changed shoes...

ANYWAY, I really hope this bout of retardedness gives out soon. Maybe I just need to declutter a little... (I am SUPER tempted to throw away loads of shit.) Or maybe I should sleep earlier since I'm getting up at 5 these days for pre-class yoga. I DON'T KNOW WHAT IS GOING ON WITH MY STUPID STUPIDITY.

Watch... those keys are just gonna be chillin in some corner of my backpack and I'll find them in a month. Or something. Fuck if I know.

My "Yogier Than Thou" Friday

Right now, I'm happily chomping down on some frosted mini wheats out of a ziploc bag, sipping orange blossom tea, and, before starting this post, reading up on the news of the day. I sincerely hope that Wate/Killiam enjoy a long, felicitous marriage and use their presence on the global stage to shed light on the plights of the world like Princess Di did, God rest her.

Much closer to home... I'm sending all of my positive thoughts and prayers to one of my best friends, Sarah!!! It's a big day, and I have no doubt she'll perform beautifully in every possible way :) :) :) :) :)

I'm mostly just waiting for Trader Joe's to open so I can buy a banana to complete my breakfast. This morning, I got out of bed at 5:15 and hauled ass to La Jolla for some heated yoga at 6:00. It was sweaty, soreness-inducing, and all around exhausting. But those last few minutes of meditation... the first breath of fresh air outside the sauna-studio... the caress of cold water in the shower... It was like being brought back to life after sizzling in hell for an hour. In a good way. I don't know how I'll feel later on in the day (OMG THERE'S AN AUSSIE SHEPHERD PUPPY PRANCING AROUND TOWARDS ME!!!) but this morning is feeling pretttyy darned nice.

I'll be teaching my first lesson with Audrey this afternoon. Nervous. Excited. Mostly excited :) I think we'll start with phonation, vowels, a little bit of theory and Italian diction, and, if there's time, some breathing. I think that breathing is something she can do on her own. No need for me to be there unless there's something fundamentally wrong with what she's doing. It's more of a assign exercises & practice individually kind of maneuver. Honestly... it's not that different from how we breathe naturally. Unless trying to suck your gut in is part of how you normally breathe lol.

Anyway... BIG DAY. Stephanie's last DMA recital. Classes. Rehearsal. I've got lots to do!

My Crazy Coincidence

I shouldn't have said that Jeff and I have nothing in common over relationships. We also came to this little epiphany yesterday:

Jeff has dated 3 Michelles.

I have dated 3 (3.5?) Michaels.

INSANITYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY.

My Bestie Bum Sessions

So a new feature of this quarter has been the addition of lots of hanging out. Specifically with Jeff. Today we had lunch, as usual, and ended up talking over coffee. He had some really exciting news to share, and even though I'm not a party involved in the situation, I'm superexcited and happy for him :)

It got me thinking though. If there's one thing we have absolutely nothing in common over, it's relationships. I suck at them because I can't seem to stay emotionally invested in people with whom I am romantically involved (odd, right?) I guess another excuse could be that I just haven't found the right person (although that's not entirely true), but the fact of the matter is that I almost always manage to lose interest in those who make up the ever-growing list of people who have called themselves my significant other. And Jeff? Well... he's in a pretty solid place. A SUPER solid place. I can't even fathom the idea of him being with anyone but Ellie.

Even though I'm ecstatic on their behalves, it's such a strange concept to me. The only way I plan on changing my name within the next decade is to tack on "M.M., D.M.A." to the end of it. I didn't always think of myself that way though. Four years ago, I thought Ray and I would be married at the end of college... so... that would have been this year. I think my view has shifted because of my career choice... and because, even if we had followed through with the engagement, Tim Burton movies excepting, people generally don't marry the dead.

So many of the people I have great respect for are incredibly late bloomers in this department. Phil went through all of his undergrad and grad school biznass, lived with a gf in Austria for a while, moved back to the states and hung out in Berkeley, and did all sorts of crazy touring with his performance duo before finally settling down in San Diego with a wifey. And Janos? He didn't settle down until the nineties! When he was fifty-something.

I used to call myself a skeptic. Broke things off with guys left and right, never stuck around for more than a month or two, even before I knew I wanted to sing and pursue this cosmopolitan style of life. But you know what? I no longer think of myself as a skeptic. It makes me happy to see my friends in happy, meaningful, fulfilling relationships. With that said...

A VERY HAPPY FOUR YEARS TO MY FAVE PAIR OF GORGEOUS PEOPLE!!!!

My Tranquil Tuesday

Got up, had breakfast, gave those new supplements a test run (success!), attended class, aced a midterm, had lunch with Jeff & co., practiced, ran errands, and went to more class.

So yesterday I "decided" that I would order some fries or something from Wendy's. We got there. I stood in line... and ended up not ordering anything. Today I "decided" I'd ditch economics to go home and watch basketball. Once again, totally didn't happen. Lol. I did, however, get really pissed at Jeff for texting me about the game while I was trying to appear alert during a lecture on investment supply and demand.

This mingling biznass is the shitt. I'm pretty sure my day-tp-day interactions with my school friends would make a really awesome TV show. We're a special bunch--conversation is lightning quick, we rip on each other nonstop, and we make fun of any/everything... nothing is sacred. In other news, I'm not sure why this surprises me, but I love Jeff's friends outside of our tiny little two-person social circle. Especially Chris; that guy is fuckin hilarious.

SPRING QUARTER WILL BE THE END OF ME. I don't follow through on poorly made decisions, but I don't feel particularly motivated to study with all my music, friends, and fun times. Oh well! Love love love love loooooooooooove. Too much fun? Nahhhhhhh.

OH YEA! NEW GOAL: GRADUATE SUMMA CUM LAUDE. WHOOOOO!!!!!!!!!

My Manic Monday

(I feel like I've used this title before...)

but OMG. I had a latte for lunch today with Janos and Paivikki and I've been super on edge ever since. I also received this fatass score for this 20th century piece I'm supposed to stage with Janos next year. But then I've run into problems because it's superadvanced and the voice department might not like that I'll be attempting it. And then there's the fact that I have to hunt for repertoire for this audition in June (application due at the end of this week). And almost none of that rep is going to double up with what I have to learn for my recital in just TWO AND A HALF WEEKS. I'm not off book for some that yet, which is starting to stress me out. And my honors application is due on Friday, and I have yet to finish compiling my repertoire for THAT audition. O. M. G.

And midterms this week.

I really hope it's just the excess of caffeine freaking me out, but I've been really panicky for a couple of hours now, and that is definitely NOT normal. I mean... I usually manage to stay calm and collected no matter what. BUT NOT RIGHT NOW FOR SOME REASON.

My Influx

I officially start teaching a week from Friday. I have a midterm at 5. My recital program has to be on lock by Sunday. Dress shopping on Saturday. Audition in late May.

And in the middle of it all, NBA PLAYOFFS!!!

On a different note, I'm seriously feenin for a latte right about now.

My Minor Update

1. GOING TO VEGAS IN 3.5 WEEKS WITH MY FAVORITE CREWWWW!

2. Singing well is hard.

3. I have a really bad case of jungle fever.

4. Photo shoot tomorrow.

5. Sudden influx of many MANY obligations in my life.

6. Skyping with my grandma is always weird because we don't have any languages in common anymore :'(

7. I'm moderately stressed about the Lakers-Hornets series. Sad, I know.

My Superfantastic Sunday!

Woke up. Cleaned half-heartedly for a little while. Then I got around to having some breakfast, plopping down on the couch with econ homework, and watching today's 10 am matchup of the NBA playoffs. Practiced some... and then the awesome begins.

1. Drive to Jeff's during Lakers-Hornets halftime.
2. Watch the Hornets take down the Lakers at Staples!!!
3. Watch the last hour of Rush Hour 3 before Knicks @ Celtics.
4. Play Modern Warfare 2 SpecOps on Veteran mode during halftime.
5. Eat home-cooked Chinese dinner, courtesy of Jeff's cousin Evan!
6. Watch first quarter of Nuggets @ Thunder.
7. Drive downtown.
8. See the China Philharmonic at Copley Symphony Hall.
9. Check scores during intermission.
10. Go home :) :) :)

I have watched almost every single game of playoffs so far. Holy mamas. I LOVE BASKETBALLLLL. WHOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!

My FIREWORKS

I'm a long ways from where I want to be, but holy shit this week has been amazing.

I've consistently warmed up to my highest note for an entire week. I'm attempting my biggest aria yet, and it's going wonderfully well. And I have a really hard time getting myself to stop singing, because it's never been more fun :)

When did it become so easy? Fall quarter, I kicked my repertoire up by a half octave with relative ease, but notes above the staff were still not as focused as I would've liked them to be. Winter quarter, it all got pretty easy up to high C. Right around there, my voice really started to lose its ring. And now... my rep hangs out an octave higher than it did last year. I'm singing arias with high Es and Fs with hardly any trouble at all.

I have no idea how it happened, but I am sosuperexcited to keep working at it.

Best of all, Phil is really proud of me!

TOMORROW IS GOING TO BE SO FULL OF MUSIC/AWESOME!!!

My Recital!

It's all beginning to come together. We have a photo shoot scheduled for next week with Dobey. I've bought (another) dress. Repertoire is getting memorized.

There isn't a ton of time left... especially considering I'm still making revisions to the program and replacing my moderately difficult pieces with big showpieces that really show off the power and agility I've developed in the past few weeks. It's all new stuff.

SO MUCH TO DO.

I'm super excited about practice today. It's going to be amazing. I'm totally going to lock in my Rossini.

My Give and Take

I think a huge part of what I do is acceptance: of uncontrollable circumstances (humidity/lack thereof), of physical limitations (bodily fatigue), and of structural happenstances (limited availability of roles).

It can be moderately disheartening to work particularly hard without feeling as if any progress has been made, even though I know it's entirely irrational to expect tangible differences in technique with each and every practice. Some days are just meant to be spent honing and building strength to prepare for a big breakthrough to come. I just wish those days could feel a little more satisfying.

The good: It looks like I'll be taking on a student. Possibly very soon!

The bad: The San Diego Opera Chorus is taking on a minimal number of females for next season :(

The meh: I sound the same as I did yesterday.

For the next few days, I will be laying aside the Donington text I've been reading (the smaller book on opera history) and diving purely into readings on pedagogy. If I'm going to be tackling my very first beginner, I'd better do it right. It's one thing to instill some technique on college-aged music-hobbyists. It's something else to build a good foundation for a budding youngster. This terrifies me more than any stage commitment ever has. I want to do right by this kiddo and impart as much as I can possibly offer her.

Of course this entails me not coming off as the child-phobic jerkface that I am. Cultivating some patience. Empathizing with the strengths and weaknesses of others. I've never been much of a softy (just ask the sopranos i was section leader of back in choir...) and I could probably use some practice in the subtle arts of gentle instruction and free-flowing encouragement. Nix that. I could definitely use some practice in the aforementioned. Jennifer, this could be the challenge of a lifetime.

If anything, I hope I end up just like Phil :)

My Loooooong Conversation

Diarmid and I had a really long talk today about... everything. I couldn't possibly detail out the craziness that went down, but it was awesome. Let's just say I have a lot to look forward to in the coming year. Folk music traditions. Improvisation. Microtonality. It's a whole world of sound out there!

Gotta love the clash of like, creative individuals. Exciting :)

Mon soirée petit

I had such a blast tonight!!! There's nothing quite like post-performance champagne. It's a beautiful ritual to share with my fellow performers. It was also the second alcoholic beverage I have consumed since St. Patrick's Day. Shocking, I know.

Also, I met someone at the reception who went to high school with James Franco! Cool guy.

I could really get used to this business of performing and being fawned over. Now I've got to go deflate my head because I've gotten a little more full of myself than usual.

Plus my beloved friends came to see me despite being crazy busy :) Love!

My Memory Has Failed Me?

There are very few things I take personally. Most of that stems from my tendencies toward arrogance and general dislike of people. When someone says or does something I find disagreeable, I leave it at "that's what makes me better than you, my saucy little trollop."

...unless they speak ill of the Golden State Warriors. I'm not sure what it is (perhaps exposure to an excess of testosterone in utero?) but something about my beloved team inspires ferocious defensiveness of illogical proportions in me. Even more so when I drink, as Richard kindly pointed out to me a little while back. According to him, I also start talking in colloquial dialect of the impoverished urban persuasion... id est ghetto.

And then there's Taiwanese politics and the importance of arts education (if you can't tell Bach from Bellini, you were severely robbed of a well-rounded upbringing. If Bellini is merely a prosecco cocktail to you, then power to you; Italian romantic opera isn't everybody's cup of tea. If you are frowning at the word "prosecco," seek help...)

Those exception aside, it's actually quite difficult to offend me. (I promise this next bit is relevant.) With that said, a specific ex-boyfriend of mine is no longer on my friend list, and I'm quite unsure whether it is of my own doing. Yes, I did pare several hundred people from my social media network sometime last week when I'd taken in an excess of caffeine and been unable to sleep. It was rather late, though, and I don't recall un-friending any of my exes. Then again, I don't recall deciding not to un-friend a number of people. I guess it's entirely plausible that he got the old boot along with 200+ others.

A more attractive alternative is if he got as sick of me as I did of him. Although I can't imagine how that would happen if none of my posts were accessible to him, I'd applaud him if this were the case.

More likely, though, if he were the one to have initiated this severance, I am of the opinion that it would have been more deeply rooted in matters of self esteem. That is, to emulate an air of blasé with a key aim of emotional injury to yours truly. Rather a pigheaded presumption for me to make, but seeing as this is all purely hypothetical, I don't see the harm in hazarding an educated guess. By and by, I do tend to be correct in these kinds of matters.

Of course, this is all assuming that my memory serves me well, which, in the exhausted stupor I was that unholy hour of night, I can't be entirely sure that it does. Perhaps I did throw him by the wayside while zooming through the s's.

All of this came together earlier today when Paivikki was asking me whether the ex had called since that tiny disaster of a conversation during which I callously clarified my desire to be left alone. I replied that, thankfully, no further contact had ensued. Our conversation eventually took us to me logging into my Facebook account after rehearsal, which led to this pleasant surprise!

Regardless of the means by which this adorable little intrigue fell into my lap, it serves a fine little conclusion for this all-too-long saga of painfully jejune proportions.

On to more important matters: Paivikki's nephew. Oh my goodness, heisabsolutelygorgeous. I've never been awfully attracted to blondes, but tall, Finnish, footballer who slaps a killer bass, speaks four languages, loves classical music, and has triceps to spare? A tad pale for my usual liking, but built like a viking. I always find it doubly amusing when my clauses rhyme :)

Anyway... I say it's about time I visited Helsinki.

My Most Recent BFF

JEFF! I've mentioned him a few times here, but not a whole lot.

We have been in the same music history sequence since last fall, but literally never spoke until March 3 of this year. (Yes, I looked it up on Twitter). We sang in the same choir growing up and we're both totally obsessed with norcal, classical music, and basketball. We've been inseparable ever since that fateful lecture.

We study, eat, chat online, and watch basketball together. We text each other scores if one of us can't catch a killer game. We even watched old VHS tapes of our choir concert in 1999 while talking online in norcal. And next weekend, we're going to see the China Philharmonic together.

It's so weird now knowing that we were acquainted 12 years ago. Strange, right? This is one epic friendship, friends.

All that aside, having dropped that nightmare of a seminar, I learned worked on three arias today, and am currently in the process of translating said arias before my antepenultimate rehearsal for Sunday's concert. It's an exciting program for me. I'm singing this gorgeous song by Chausson, and I'm very excited to perform it. "Chanson Perpetuelle" is most definitely one of my favorite pieces of chamber music :)

My Celebrity Crush

Li: I have a friend who worked at Starbucks in NYC. She said that James Franco would go each day and recite poetry over coffee with a lady friend. A different lady friend each day.

Wu: Well that's thoroughly disappointing.

Li: That he's a huge manslut?

Wu: That he would go to Starbucks every day. I f*cking hate that place.


Yes, it's true. I have a huge crush on James Franco. Not only is he from Palo Alto (which is also where one of my high school boyfriends is from... yes, he's still from there because he only moved 2 miles away from home when he went to Stanford), he's also a mighty fine specimen, and cultured to boot!

That Starbucks thing bugs me though, especially considering the whole NYC thing. I have a favorite independently-run coffee joint in downtown San Diego, and he can't find one in New York? For shame. (Cafe Sole Luna on 7th and Ash is totally awesome, btw. Plus side: it reminds me of Rome.)

I wonder if there's a support group for former Starbucks baristas. I despise the company and have a somewhat condescending opinion of the patrons (especially if they order blended coffee beverages and call it "coffee." Darling, those are best described as slurpable dessert.) But for some reason I love how I know exactly how I want my latte made (2% milk, 155 degrees F, 1 packet of raw sugar blended with the espresso, and free-poured foam in a short cup). That makes for a really weird love/hate thing I have going with Starbucks. Ughh.

Anyway, screw that shit. I'm going to Art of Espresso.

My Textbooks

I have to buy 2 music scores for this quarter, which totaled to <$20, which is awesome. In fact, I've probably only spent 200 dollars on textbooks ever since switching my major, which is something like a quarter of what I used to spend per year on textbooks.

However, I haven't stopped buying textbooks. Just because a class isn't offered/doesn't exist in this music department doesn't mean I can't ace it. I've been stalking the websites of other schools and calling up my friends in other programs... and I've been buying up and studying their textbooks. I've already made my way through a couple hundred pages of Italian, German, French, and Latin diction, and I'm currently working through a brief (less than 200 pages) history of the opera. Then I'll tackle A "Short" History of Opera (over 500 pages). I'm also reading a few dozen pages per day on vocal pedagogy from three separate sources. Good stuff.

I also ordered a few anthologies of arias for study, because I've pretty much gone through the entirety of the one I have.

I work harder than any other singer in the department, and you can bet your sweet ass I ain't stoppin'. This isn't about killing Ganon. It's about catching the 25 lb fish, killing 100 gold skulltulas, capturing 10 big poes, and beating Ganondorf with a bottle and a broken goron's knife.

My Michael 2.2!!!!

So funny story. By funny I mean not that funny. A little while back I was talking to someone about the disproportionate number of guys named Michael I have dated when, all of a sudden, I seemed to recall there being an additional one that had slipped my mind for a few years. And as soon as the thought entered my head, I couldn't quite remember what it was anymore. It kept bugging me for a little while until BAM! I remembered who it was.

He wasn't my boyfriend, which is probably why I never counted him before, but we did have a thing back in sophomore year. The thing being we made out a lot when we were drunk. Problem is, he was in the same group of friends as Mike # 2, but hadn't realized that Mike2 and I had been an item for a few months prior to this little schtick. So we went our separate ways. He ended up dating a cougar who I believe he is still with. Said cougar did not like me, and he eventually stopped hanging out with all of us.

And then I stopped hanging out with "all of us." As in I went out with Pascal. And then the "official" Mike #3, who is the one I subsequently dated for over a year.

But yea. That makes FOUR Michaels now. I only just remembered him the other day. I guess it didn't help that I always called him "SARS" to avoid confusion in our crew of many Michaels (Chang, Sowers, Volpato). I was talking to Joyce about it on Sunday and we decided that SARS should henceforth be referred to as "Mike 2.2" because first base doesn't count. (Right? Right.)

Speaking of which, Mike2 got hotter (by shaving the pornstache and losing a few pounds) and I almost want to take him up on that lunch offer because I just found out that he's a fan of Philip Glass. Almost. I had a good time when we caught up over sushi last year. And we had a nice chat on Facebook back in February. He's a cool guy... we had fun together...

DAMNIT, JEN!

You know, for a smart gal, I sure am full of all sorts of bad ideas.

My Professors

I may have mentioned that I have a closer relationship with my professors in the music department than I ever did in biochemistry. (Unless you count that one time Volpato got me totally wasted at the pub before we realized he was my math professor...) It only makes sense. My theory class is approximately a tenth of the size of ochem lecture. So there ya go.

This past year I've gotten particularly well acquainted with my voice professor, Phil, and my chamber music professor, Janos, as well as Janos's wife, Paivikki, who is my Alexander Technique instructor. These are relationships that I quite cherish. My teachers are ceaselessly encouraging and have always challenged me to do my best under their tutelage. And they have so many stories to share!

The weird thing is that my history professor, who I didn't think I had any sort of connection to, invited me to watch an opera with her today. As in $185 seats at the Civic Center downtown. It was weird getting that e-mail from her. But I guess she liked me a lot more than the impression I got from attending her class? I told her I have plans, which is not entirely untrue (I have to do homework and study!) but that was an interesting diversion from my usual Sunday morning e-mails. I guess I have a raving letter of recommendation to look forward to from her.

I guess if I were a professor I would also have something of a preference for my more passionate and interested students. But from where I am now, I'm just happy to have teachers who bring me to work hard and be better.

I've always had a way for excelling in mental exercises, but inspiration isn't something everyone is born with, and I'm happy to have finally found it in my studies here. I used to fail classes left and right, and I barely graduated high school with a 2.0 GPA. I depended on the fact that I was blessed with better-than-average intellect to just get by. (I swear the AP tests and SATs are the only reasons I am even in college.) But coupling a great capacity for knowledge with a true desire for learning? It's a mighty powerful thing indeed.

I just needed the right people in my life to nudge me in the right direction. My teachers are some of the most important people in my life right now.

My Purge

I don't like it when my friends list gets too close to 1000. Every time it does, I unfriend a couple hundred people. If I didn't, my entire Facebook would be cluttered with thousands of people I barely remember. The criteria is as follows:

1. Do I remember this person? If no, purge.
2. Would I mind bumping paths with this person again? If yes, purge.
3. What would I say to this person if I were to run into him/her? If nothing or profanity, purge.
4. Does this person have any sentimental significance to me? If no, purge.

And that is how it's done. Shaved that list back down to 720. Fun stuff. I don't want to read shit about them, they probably don't give a shit about me, all is well.

Why was I friends with so many people from high school? Most of them didn't even like me. (I was weird in high school. As in pot-dealing Homecoming princess with truancy problems and perfect SAT scores weird. Yea.) Anyway. Problem solved. I didn't talk to half of those people anyway.

My [Pro]Portions

You could say that I'm going through something of a "Classical" phase at the moment. A lot of my day-to-day life consists of me and proportions.

The one I'm most often conscious of is that of me and my voice. I have a fairly large voice when you consider how long I've been studying, but I don't feel that my voice is in good proportion to the rest of me. It's not like I'm some tiny singer who shocks people just by not being squeaky. I'm of pretty average size. What I'm working towards is to achieve the greatest sound:size ratio without sacrificing expressiveness and technique.

We're not talking "you're big, ergo your voice is big" or its inverse. We're talking "OMFG how does this ginormous/gorgeous sound come out of someone who doesn't weigh 300 lbs????" I know I have that capacity. It's just a matter of hard work. And not eating disproportionate amounts of food.

Ah! Spring... when a young woman's fancy lightly turns to thoughts of love for her craft!

My Long Days

Every day this week has been grueling to various extents, but today was the very paragon of "hump day." I awoke at 5 am for no apparent reason. It's not an uncommon occurrence for me to start my day at some unholy hour, but I was a little bummed about that coming to pass today: the one day this week I will have been on campus for 13-14 hours.

So I warmed up at 8, as usual. Attended my classes, met with the facilities manager to take care of some logistic rehearsal issues, picked up music from a professor's mail box, registered for the last of my classes, scheduled voice lessons, practiced, wrote e-mails, rehearsed, and then ate lunch at 5. Yes, 5. I've spent the past two hours translating lyrics, transcribing phonetic symbols, doing theory analysis, and memorizing music.

It's great that I'm getting so much done as a part of my initiative to reduce my time spent idle. It's also tiring. I have a melody sitting in front of me, but I'm having a lot of trouble concentrating on harmonizing it. It will have to wait lest I risk stupid mistakes and parallel perfect intervals (musically unacceptable. Funny thing is that we hear them allll the time in pop progressions. My theory is that the songs that "sound better" are actually just well-constructed progressions that avoid the traditional faux pas of parallel fifths and octaves.) That was a really long parenthetical statement. Point is, I have all day Saturday to get homework done so I'll leave it for then.

In other news, I got my music history paper back, and I think I should meet with my professor to talk about it. It's the only research paper I've ever written based on a self-assigned topic, and my greatest struggle in composing an argument was that I didn't know what to ask. I think I did a pretty good job of musical analysis, and I definitely aced socio-political context for one of the works I examined, but even turning it in, I didn't feel that my overall analysis was cohesive enough. It's much easier to have a clearly designated topic on which to present one's findings. I still got an A- on what I turned in, but I think that academic writing is one of those things that I lack experience in, and I could definitely benefit from detailed feedback on what could have been better.

I also got my final back. Not that it really mattered. I could have skipped out on the final and still received a C in the class. But it was a nice little pat on the head to see that I'd received an A+ :) Call it a cherry on top!

So yes. Lots of ups today. No downs, but definitely some "gaahhhI'msotireds." I have a concert to attend at 8. One of the grad students is performing Kurtag's "Kafka Fragments," which is a hour-long piece that Professor Negyesy has talked about staging with me sometime next year. It should be really modern/funky/awesome. Hopefully I can sneak backstage afterwards to give Tiffany my congratulations and peace the hell out of this place by 10!

I am in dire need of sleep.

My Fellow Artist

It's difficult to put into words the kinds of trials that one comes across when working towards becoming a career musician. Most of the time I channel my negative thoughts into working harder and making every effort to improve myself any and every way I can. In all honesty, ever once in a while, regardless of all my efforts to stay focused and positive, my doubts and fears surface and I get overwhelmed.

Yes, I do sometimes get frustrated with the piles of dishes, stacks of paper, mountain of shoes, and lack of quiet time at my house. But at the end of the day, I am so grateful to have someone in my life who can empathize with my insecurities and frustrations while assuring me that I'm not insane for dreaming of the highly improbable. I had a really good talk today, and feel more ready than ever to face tomorrow and all the challenges that await me.

My Status Quo

Not too long ago, I was in a relationship that needed to end. After that resolution came about, I ended up restricting a lot of my internet presence upon being peeved by unnecessary confrontation regarding my interactions with my friends in social media. I hadn't intended on cutting him out of my life entirely when we broke up, but the events that came to pass made it pretty clear that no good would come from being in contact.

At first I thought it'd be a temporary measure to keep my matters to myself. But as more time has come to pass, I've really enjoyed the lack of this person's presence in my life. It sounds terrible, I know. As much as it is regrettable that I don't care for the vast majority of people I encounter, I can't help that I really am irreconcilably unforgiving when it comes to what really annoys me.

For the record, I am obstinately opposed to neediness, desperation, lack of articulation, and philistinism... among other things.

Point is, I'm really digging the status quo, and as much as it makes me feel like I'm being somewhat of a cunt, I am sorely tempted to just break ties, unfriend, and let it be. I'm much too picky about the people I hang out with to go back to being friends with him after everything that breakup entailed. It's weird. I've never done this before. Is there etiquette to unfriend-ing exes?

My Mission Accomplished! & My Manifesto

OK. Puccini is still a work in progress. But this post isn't about that.

Grades came out today, and I am proud to say that my experiment in no note-taking was not for naught. Pages of notes I have accumulated in MUS120B this quarter: zero. Grade received in MUS120B: A.

Not even a minus.

Twelve weeks ago, Professor Guy pointedly pondered how poorly a student in her class would do without pencil/pen, paper, and proper notes to assist in his/her studies. Challenge accepted... and now conquered.

It's quite astonishing how much one can accomplish with the correct mindset and willpower. Oh I've got big plans for the next three months. Huge plans. Plans of gargantuan proportions. Plans so mind-bogglingly enormous, I'm actually going to write them down lest I myself forget.

Each day I wake, I will set out to accomplish whatever is required of me to inch myself closer to achieving my every goal. There is no settling in this equation. Count on me thoroughly hurtling myself toward the greatly improbable, never locking course, but always maintaining sights on what I pursue.

My Pathetic Puccini

Firstly, I should congratulate myself on making more progress on this piece today than I have in the past month. Secondly, I should acknowledge that I cannot expect myself to be able to perform at unrealistic standards.

And now that I have addressed both caveats, I can proceed to pronounce my displeasure with my performance of this troublesome little aria. Parts of it lack clarity, which is a direct result of my (lack of) breath control in my lower middle register. Other parts are so clear I almost wish I could shove a sock down my throat as to dampen those piercing high Bs. I also need to sing softer without sacrificing tone quality on some higher notes. It's a huge mess of things I wish I could fix.

It's a special kind of frustrating. I know exactly how I want to sing it. I know it down to every articulation, dynamic, and tempo. It's all in my head. I can hear exactly how I want to perform it...

Now if I only I could just fucking do it!

OK. That's not fair. I can do it. I can do it all. I've perfected individual 8-bar phrases. It's a matter of being able to string it all together. I don't understand why the latter has to be so difficult!!! Giving it another go tomorrow.

Mon nouvel opéra-comique favori !

I watched La Fille du Regiment today. Twice. It's freaking hilarious. It helps that it's not exceedingly long. Two acts of awesome.

What else did I do? Practiced like I said I would. I've also been reading cookbooks. Oh! And I fell in love. With Juan Diego Florez. That man's voice is like butter for the soul. Like lube for the ears. Not to mention candy for the eyes ;)

But about that practice. I was getting really frustrated with my first session this morning. My voice just was not doing what I wanted it to, and it was starting to make me upset. So, given this luxury of spring break during which I have hours to spare, I walked away. I did some housework, cooked lunch, ate, watched an opera, made a (savory) daikon cake for breakfast tomorrow, cleaned the kitchen, then settled in front of the piano once more. And it all worked out. I did some intensive interpretive work on one of my Debussy songs, polished up the coloratura in my favorite Handel aria, practiced timing my entrances for the Chausson I'm performing with Professor Negyesy & co. in April, and focused on grounding myself throughout. It was one of the more productive practices I've had in the past month, and I'm very happy with what I managed to make progress on :)

Tomorrow's plan of attack: hammer out another Debussy song, try to maintain the focal consistency I established today, and work intensively on that Puccini aria that's been giving me grief all quarter. It is probably the simplest aria I have in my rep from a technical point of view. That does make it extremely challenging to successfully interpret. Think of it this way. Everybody and their mothers can sing "Imagine." Few people can really make it ring. I'm dead serious. The simpler the melody, the greater the difficulties encountered in expressively performing it. Anyway, this "Quando m'en vo" is too easy to butcher. And that's exactly what I do. I butcher it. Terribly.

ANYWAY, I'm pretty damn excited. Tomorrow's gonna be a great day. I feel it. That Puccini will be mine.

My Rainy Reception

It is storming so hard in the bay, and I am loving every minute of it :)

The rain hasn't let up since I arrived, and the wind is utterly deafening. So far I've gone to the library, watched some March Madness, taken a nap with my dog, baked egg custard tarts, stuffed my face full of Taiwanese food, gotten a new phone, gone to the family acupuncturist, and had looooongass conversations with my dad about... lots of things.

Also, I got a random IM from Jeff, my "new bestie," who is also back in the bay on spring break, and he is convinced that he's found pictures of us hanging out as kids. I'm very curious. This could explain so much about our instant friendship. I know I haven't written about him at all, but we were literally chatting away like old pals within 3 seconds of "Hi, I'm [Jen/Jeff]." AND Monday-Wednesday of finals week was alllllll about the Jen-Jeff study buddy system, without fail. We even took a Warriors game study break on Wednesday. In Geisel. Watched the entire game. Best. Study. Buddy. Ever. Anyway... I'm super curious to find out if we are indeed long-lost childhood friends!!! That guy is the shit :D

So yea. About that new phone. We got a spare free phone from our last renewal, so I'm using that phone (brand spankin' new, and my first non-Sony mobile device!) Still getting used to it, but it's nice to have a clean start. Lost a lot of numbers, but I don't talk to a ton of people on a regular basis anyway. Mostly just my core stash of homies :)

My dad hinted that he thinks we should all upgrade to smart phones... (I have to admit it. I have fallen in love with the Samsung Captivate. It's soooo light and that screen is something else!) But we have to wait until November before we can renew and potentially upgrade. We'll see come Thanksgiving.

It feels so good to come home!!! Tomorrow: I get to cook a bigass pot of Taiwanese braised beef. My ultimate comfort food. AND my mom gets back from her convention in LA! Love :)

My Shifting Gears

I put some lavender in my morning cup of Earl Grey today, and I have to say it is delightfully floral and refreshing!

Know what else is refreshing? Not dreading my ringtone. Having evenings to myself and present company. That's refreshing. I feel as if I've gotten an entire dimension of my life back.

I usually have doubts about truncated relationships. I definitely struggled with breaking things off with "Ted Mosby," Keith, and even WebMike (to a certain extent), despite the fact that those relationships were all pretty much doomed anyway. I even had doubts about cutting ties with James and Alex (despite the fact that I'd only hung out with either of them once or twice!) I'd never dated someone who made a breakup quite this easy. Well... maybe that first college bf of mine. Sure, it was difficult to bring up and lay out on the table, and I felt sad that things couldn't work out, but it was as if the second all of it clicked, he started exponentially exemplifying every characteristic that had led to my original resolution. It was quintessentially unappealing. I was not amused to say the least. I felt that I was able to hang up somewhat amicably though, despite the degree of my annoyance with him.

I was not exactly ecstatic to see his name on my caller ID yesterday afternoon, but I picked up and was about as friendly as I could stand to be. Poor guy had a rough night, and the least I could do was to give him the benefit of the doubt and treat him with respect. Basically, he'd dialed me up to call me out on what I had to say about the entire ordeal to my brother. Why he'd been trolling around my brother's facebook page, I have no idea. Well, that's a lie. He was obviously keeping a fairly close watch on my own facebook page. Point is, I can understand the want to keep track of one's exes. I do not, however, understand the need to call them up and ask them to justify their words and actions... especially when those words or actions were not meant for one to track down and read.

I think he may have failed to realize that it was exactly that kind of behavior that made being with him such a pain, and so I categorically listed out reason after reason after reason as to why we would never be together again. Ever. I revoked his access to my Twitter feed, restricted my Facebook profile, and asked him not to cling to any hopes. (After all that he still had the audacity to claim I'd "dashed any and all hopes." What hopes? Surely he couldn't have truly believed he'd have any hope whatsoever of whatever we had working out after Sunday night's ridiculous spiel. And Monday afternoon's whine-fest... What kind of idiot does he take me for anyway?)

As to why he thinks I've changed so drastically? I really haven't. I've always been upfront and forthcoming with regards to my personality. I'm politically liberal, and I seldom fail to acknowledge that. I miss the bay constantly, and I look forward to a permanent move back. I'm staying in San Diego because the opera here is fairly mediocre and lacks competition (thereby a great opportunity for me!) I think the lack of arts and music programs in the area is deplorable, but I'm enjoying the time I have with my friends and teachers. I'm not one to put up masks. I am who I am who I am.

I'll concede that I can be harsh, but the fact of that matter is that I am glad to be done with this particular relationship. I've slept better knowing that I don't have a breakup to orchestrate. I haven't had to censor my tweets to steer clear of jealous tendencies. My wall posts can be left as they are for the same reason! I feel so liberated.

The rest of this week is going to be a piece of cake. Taking finals for classes I've already aced. Driving back to the bay to see my family. Being home. Loving it :)

My Week After Concert Week

Last week was tough to navigate. I thought this week would be easier. In some ways, it was. Not so much in other respects.

I got to go out and have fun with my friends (got wasted. oops). So that was one major plus of not being in the middle of a rigorous performance schedule. However, I'd forgotten how badly drinking can mess with my ability to function, and defaulted to skipping section on Wednesday. Oops.

This may be a tiny bit premature, but I'm going to go ahead and call this week a good one :)

In other news, I had to take a listening quiz on Baroque instrumental music today. Well.. and some classical stuff. There were about a dozen pieces, and I had to memorize the names, keys, composers, opus numbers, and number numbers of all of them. The opus and number were the most tedious (and a total pain). In fact, I resorted to juvenile memorization devices to cram it all in. Ex) J.C. Bach's Piano Sonata in D Major is opus 5, number 2 because J.C. Bach was born in 1735 and died in 1782.

I'm not sure why those two little numbers were so hard to remember, especially since I can very clearly recall his dates...??? Maybe it's just because all of those other pieces with opuses 3, 6, 2, you name it. Ughhh.

I understand the importance of listening identification as a part of a music major's education, but I cannot wrap my head around how memorization of trivial numbers is supposed to better my understanding of history. A lot of those pieces aren't even put in chronological order! Why can't "J.S. Bach's Brandenburg Concerto No. 2 in F Major" suffice? That's plenty specific. That's all people ever put on concert programs.

/rant

With that said... I think I did really well lol.

My Chicken and Wild Rice Soup

I usually have chicken and wild rice soup for lunch on Fridays (during the break in the middle of my new music performance class). However, I didn't today because I wasn't feeling hungry. So after my last rehearsal, I braved rainy 5:30 traffic to gas up and stop by my favorite supermaket: Henry's.

I picked up carrots, celery, chicken stock, and a whole rotisserie chicken for my soup... and other miscellaneous items. Such as grapes. And broccoli. And oranges. Delicious. I already had an onion and a box of wild rice in the pantry so I went home to cook some shit up.

Sweated some mirepoix with some salt and pepper, added the raw rice and a few cups of chicken stock. I let that cook up on the back burner for ~25 minutes while I started a roux with 3 Tbs each of butter and flour, cooked it lightly, and whisked in a cup or two ish of 2% milk. Little bit o' nutmeg went into that. Once it was thick, but not quite bechamel-y in consistency, I stirred it into the rice-mirepoix pot. Shredded up some rotisserie-d chicken breast. Stirred that in. Thinned the whole thing out with a little more chicken stock, added the seasoning from the box of rice. Let it heat through for a few minutes.

I had a cup of that stuff... and man it frickin sticks to ya. Soup on a rainy day. So worth the effort :)

Plus I get another two or three meals from the leftovers :) Double plus, I only used one of the breasts, so there's plenty o' meat happening in the fridge. Triple plus, I fucking love chicken and wild rice soup.

My Feral Fury

The past year or two, I've been pretty good at keeping my cool. I've gotten a good hold on my temper as I've gotten older, and, in general, it's been for the better.

But this morning, I read a post that one of my best friends made on his tumblr, and I wanted to scream and cry and throw a huge tantrum, then track down that crazy bitch ex-girlfriend of his and KILL HER. Then I called my boyfriend, who empathized with my position, admired my support and outrage, and brought me to my senses. Thank God.

I know I don't hang out with Eric all that often; he has his frat stuff, we don't roll in the same circle, I'm busy with performances/rehearsals, but he is one of my best friends in the entire world. We've known each other for 20+ years, and he's been a big brother to me all my life. It makes me so hurt and angry that someone could mistreat him to the extent that she did. It makes me upset that people like her even exist. She's been messing with his life because she has a lot of his stuff (LAPTOP? KEYS? WALLET?) He doesn't know how to deal with her without setting her off, but frankly I don't give a damn. I'm not a gentleman. I can, have, and WILL rough up a girl. That bitch is going to get what's coming to her.

It doesn't have to get messy... but I don't mind if it does.

My Smart Work

My mother used to say something to me that roughly translates to "Everything with focus." Whenever I'd absentmindedly speed through my scales on the piano or violin, she'd tell me that I might as well be watching TV. It used to piss me off, but I know now that she's totally right. There is little skill to be gained from going through the motions of something without a clear goal in mind.

When I do my scales now, it's with intense focus on how I'm breathing, the placement of my vowel, and my posture/support system. All of these things I keep in mind work toward the end goal of developing good habits that will enhance my performance capabilities and increase my vocal technique. That brings me to the Alexander Technique.

Long story short, Alexander Technique is a process of sorts which is designed to allow one better awareness of postural efficiency. By studying it, you learn to use your muscles more efficiently and thoroughly relax. It's pretty awesome. I'm really exciting to be studying it with my professor's wife.

So YEA. That's kind of what I've been up to. Focusing a lot on improving myself. Taking 15 minutes or so to meditate, practice aligning myself, and relax. And flossing twice a day. (That's my new thing.)

My Duet

Mariya and I were assigned an opera scene to do together, and I was given the dramatic coloratura soprano role. I generally try not to get too technical when talking about my Fach (the system used to classify voices beyond simple soprano/mezzo/alto/tenor/bari/bass). For the purpose of being brief, Mozart's Queen of the Night is a dramatic coloratura. And even though my voice seems to be headed in that general direction (I am currently a lyric coloratura soprano, which is slightly lighter and has less power), dramatic sopranos don't mature until late 20s-early 30s. My point being that this is an exceedingly challenging role for me.

I might not put a ton of effort into my schoolwork at large... but I do spend a lot of time on my voice. So yea. Challenge accepted. I'm actually really excited to do this. It could be really amazing if I pull this off. And I'm going to.



If you're interested in hearing how it sounds. Fiordiligi (my part) is sung by Renee Fleming (the one on the right in green).

My Year Thus Far

...has been utterly amazing. I couldn't be happier.

Yes, I am having struggles with my voice, but the fact of the matter is that it still works fairly well. It just takes an immense amount of concentration to get it sounding the way I want because of this weirdness going on with my pseudo-illness.

Also, I'm so superfuckinhappy. Things are great. They're perfect! Oh man oh man oh man.