My "Senior" Year

Yea. I have one final left in 6 hours, and it's OVER.

I can't even bring myself to start studying for that last final... lol. It's been a very unproductive morning, guys. Joyce came downstairs this morning and found me passed out on the couch. I really do not care. Not one little bit. Econ is half bullshit, half math, and guess who's pretty darned good at both those things!

I'd say it's been a really amazing year. I've grown as a concert artist and accomplished more than I had expected to, and I've gained a lot of confidence in my voice as well. Phil, Janos, Paivikki, and Enrique are definitely some of the most influential people in my life, and they've been absolutely crucial to my growth :)

One year ago, I had countless doubts about myself and my abilities. Even half a year ago I was searching for a backup plan. It's only very recently (past two or so weeks?) that I've begun to appreciate my own potential. I DO have the talent, and I AM willing to work for it. I'm on my way to becoming one hell of a singer. And isn't that just about as much as I can hope for when beginning a career? This year has been fabulous in terms of all that!

Shift happens.

And then there's other stuff. Like Matt! Lately I've been really digging this guy named Matt. We all know I shouldn't be allowed to be in relationships (Oops... I did it again!) but there ain't no harm in window shopping, amiright? Well he's smart, obsessed with Alexander Technique, a beastly bassist, and a fabulous jazz pianist as well. Have I mentioned that he's tall and loves Bruce Lee and Speed Racer? But what I like most about him is really how sharp, well-informed, and professionally demanding he is. During the times we've talked, I've never had to spell things out for him, which is odd, because I feel like I tend to make unconventional associations that most people don't follow with ease. He gets it when I hint at Descartes in our discussions of Wagner and Schopenhauer, and can quip back with equal subtlety. He takes every gig seriously, and doesn't mess around during rehearsal--even though we were rehearsing for what might be the worst composition of the decade. That coupled with gorgeous musicianship and a leaning towards classic nerdiness? Wow. I mean... we really started talking because I was humming this old Ella Fitzgerald under my breath before last weekend's composition juries, and not only did he pick up on what the song was, he started improvising the accompaniment with me.

I guess I'm a tiny bit smitten because it's so rare that I can share an intellectual conversation in music/philosophy/current events without feeling like it's one-sided (there's Frank, Diarmid, Jacob, some grad students, and Matt). And it's even more rare that I can share a mutual admiration of performance prowess (Mariya, An, Isaac, grad students, and Matt). All the more rarer still is the circumstance in which those musical capabilities can be enjoyed with ease and a shared sense of aural aesthetic (...just Matt.) And to have all three??? Well... he's certainly the first I've encountered.

I don't have it in me to fuck that kind relationship up.

Off topic much?