My RAWRAWRAWR

I've been in a moody funk lately. Part of it is frustration with my musical studies. Part of it is midterm stress. Yet another part of it is the inevitability of having to spend money... and how much it sucks. And outside of the obvious issues, I have these stupid little feelings that, on top of being unpleasant alone, also make me feel shitty for having selfish thoughts.

Not that I want a gold star or any kind of hooplah, but it really sucks to feel unappreciated. And I kind of feel that way a lot... at my internship, as a student, and worst of all, as a girlfriend. The first two are to be expected. Students at a public research-based university and interns are totally dispensable, and I committed to those roles knowing very well I'd likely be overlooked and unimportant. But that is not a preconception I had entering a relationship.

I don't consider myself excessively needy, controlling, or any other negative attribute assigned to stereotypically crazy girlfriends. It follows that I get kind of peeved when my boyfriend tells me that I am. Especially when it's because I weighed in on his dilemma last night (to smoke weed or not to smoke weed) by reminding him that he had a quiz on brain development this morning. My words were, pulled straight from Facebook, "don't you have a quiz tomorrow?" and nothing else. No condemnation, no ultimatum. Just a simple reminder that, in case it had slipped his mind, he had an impending appointment of moderate importance to be wary of, and to perhaps prepare for. Somebody please explain to me how that can be considered controlling? I am lost.

To make the whole scenario worse yet, he decided to make his "chill out, controlling girlfriend" speech on the ride to school after he called me at 8:30 am, asking me to swing by his apartment on my way to UCSD so he could have a ride to campus to take said quiz. I paid 4 bucks for visitor parking in Gilman, was five minutes late to my 9 am, and now have to go repark my car at the VA so he could tell me that I was being too controlling over him. P.S. I still don't see how I'm controlling. Seriously?

I don't lord over anybody, let alone over someone I love. I'm freaking pissed, and frankly, I don't really feel like picking up someone's slack in a relationship that's supposed to be mutual. So unless he's going to man the hell up and quit antagonizing me with his stupid non-issues, I could very well be single again, just in time to not buy a present for Valentine's Day.