My Moxie

In some respects I'm rather moxious. I don't care if Mozilla's telling me that's not a word.

I am very determined, and I like to think that I have the drive (most of the time...) to be the best at the things I do. It's something I take great pride in.

People have told me that I come off as intimidating. I guess that's because I have high expectations for myself, which translates into high expectations for my teammates, classmates, coworkers, and students. I demand perfection, and I don't settle. Countless mice have been sacrificed to perfect my cardiac puncture. Choristers have endured 6 hour rehearsals under my lead. Pianists have cried while being asked to play the same arpeggios hundreds of times for the sake of establishing decent technique. Miles and miles of extra soccer drills were run under my captainship. Point made, I think?

Nobody ever wants to do the work I think is necessary. It's not fun to sing the same two or three measures twenty times in a row. It's not fun to pass the ball when you can hardly see it because the sun's gone down. But they always appreciate it at the finish line. When we win state cup. When we get papal performance invitations. When initiated into the Young Artists Guild. It's times like those when I can finally rest, knowing I've completed a job well.

Give me some young musicians to mentor, and I'll happily oblige. Granted I've led most of them for several years while I was in high school and they pretty much think I'm a god. That makes it all easier... but easy or not, I thrive on shit like that.

But when stuff doesn't go so well... it kills me more than I think it kills anyone else. I don't really know where this post is headed. I'm a little angry and a little sad. But most of all, I feel powerless and massively disappointed with this year.

A. Deal with it. <-- Not looking forward to it.
B. Coup d'état that shit. <-- Somewhat tempting
C. Fuck it and quit. <-- Very tempting.
D. Beg to join The Beat. <-- ÜBER tempting.